17
Aug
10

I STILL DON’T KNOW WHO RUSSELL SIMMONS IS

Russell Simmons is famous because his ex-wife is on a reality TV show. His ex-wife has a reality TV show because she’s Russell Simmons’ ex-wife. The missing component here? Who the Hell is Russell Simmons? I don’t know. Other than playing Urkel on Family Matters back in the 80’s, I’m really not sure why he’s famous.

There’s a baseball hat involved so I’m guessing it has something to do with rap music. Or baseball. But probably rap music. I say that because Russell Simmons looks more like that guy who, at like 70-years-old, finally gets to sit in the Yankee’s dugout because he’s dying of Cancer or something. And now I’m totally confused because he and his famous ex-wife are having a yard sale and, much to the surprise of all that is rational and sane, it’s a news story. According to NY Latin Culture Examiner:

“This yard sale is not your typical “someone else’s junk, is someone else’s treasure,” tag sale. The Simmons’ yard sale in the ritzy Saddle River section of north New Jersey does not have your, “2 for $10.00 lamps”, or “buy this $25.00 rug and get this chair free.” The exclusive, lavish open-to-the-public tag sale which started Thursday, and will end Saturday, boasts heavyweight designer furniture, rugs, end tables, and art pieces going for $10,000 and up.”

I had a yard sale once myself. It was not mentioned in any periodicals at the time and I didn’t sell a damn thing. And I work for a living. I don’t just run around wearing baseball hats and reminding everyone that I have a famous ex-wife with her own reality show. Not that I wouldn’t do that if I could.

In other news, there is a movement afoot in Congress to change the 14th Amendment to the Constitution. We’ve also been at war in Afghanistan longer than we’ve been at war ever before in our nation’s history and there’s no end in sight. There’s also still several million barrels of oil floating in the Gulf of Mexico. But, Webster and his famous ex-wife are selling their shit so, you know, stop the presses.



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