19
Aug
10

ONE-IN-FIVE AMERICANS ARE NOW FUNCTIONALLY RETARDED

If you were standing in a room right now with four other people from the United States (and assuming you yourself are from America) one of you would believe that President Barack Obama is a Muslim. And I bet the other four of you would really hate that fifth guy. After a while, you’d probably gang up on him and then, well, there’d only be four Americans in a room.

At any rate, a recent poll found that a full one-fifth of the American electorate is convinced that Obama prays to Allah. From The Guardian:

“The survey by the Washington-based Pew Research Centre reflects a broader questioning among many Americans as to whether Obama is a “real” American – also reflected in the significant number who believe he was not born in the US, a constitutional requirement for presidents.

According to the poll, 18% of Americans say Obama is a Muslim, a steep rise on a year ago when the figure was 11%. The number who said the president is a Christian dropped to 34% from 43% last year.”

What do they mean by “real” American anyway? Like, he’s made out of plastic? I’ve heard the guy speak many, many times and he sounds pretty goddamn American to me. But, don’t get all wrapped up in that line of logic because when it comes to these people they never stop surprising you. The Guardian article goes on to interview Pollster Alan Cooperman:

“Cooperman said he suspected that a number of those surveyed who said the president was a Muslim do not believe it and were using it as a means to express their dislike of him. A Time magazine poll shows that one in four believe that Muslim citizens are not patriotic Americans. The same poll revealed that an even higher proportion say Muslims should not be permitted to sit on the supreme court or become president. Cooperman said calling Obama a Muslim was a way of saying that “he’s other, he’s not one of us”.

Sometimes I think that asking people complicated questions like this is a poor social measuring tool to begin with. I think the average person really has no idea what’s going on but at least they’re honest about making shit up. And thinly veiled racial hatred aside I think most people mean well in the end. Or maybe not. I don’t know.

I think the larger issue here is that the conservative movement has actually gone so far as to psychologically program the adherents of their ideology. When I hear these Tea Party/Birther/Fox News people talking I feel like I’m in some kind of galactic museum looking at specimens from another planet. And it’s mostly because these people, frustrated and passionate as they are, live in a reality which is carefully constructed for them. Primarily by people trying to sell them stuff. And all kidding aside, people like old sugartits up there are pretty damn good at it. Not Bill Clinton good, but still pretty good.

The consequence, of course, is a heavily armed chunk of the electorate which believes the earth is only 6,000 years old and that Jesus Christ is going to come back during their lifetimes. They also believe that Obama is a Nazi, which would make him the first Muslim Nazi as far as I can tell. “Communist” is another one, although that would make him the first Communist Nazi let alone the first Muslim Communist Nazi. I don’t know, I can’t think about this anymore.

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