You have to respect John McCain. Few people know this but his body actually died 12 years ago. Since then, thanks to his inhuman telepathic ability and his decades of repressed rage, he can animate his zombified corpse through sheer will. Last night he rose from the Lazarus Pit and used his dark magic to defeat Tea Party candidate J.D. Hayworth in the Arizona Republican Senate Primary by a 2-to-1 margin.

Despite a spirited bid by Hayworth, who cultivated support from — and staffed his campaign with — tea party activists, McCain’s $21 million blitzkrieg ultimately rendered him an unacceptable alternative, despite widespread antipathy toward McCain among many grass-roots conservatives.

McCain, the 2008 GOP presidential nominee, declared victory and took the stage before a half-filled room at the Phoenix Convention Center less than two hours after the polls closed. Hayworth had not yet called to concede the race, even after most McCain supporters had left the downtown Phoenix victory party, a McCain aide told POLITICO.” – Politico

No shit the place was empty. Everyone probably wanted to get the hell out of there before McCain showed up and began eating people. He’s like the last boss in an arcade game, flying around in a hover-chair with a laser gun and a hatchet. And Obama is that one kid who beat him and got a lifetime supply of tokens. And now none of you know what I’m talking about because you’re probably too young to remember when videogames were played in an arcade.

By that same token you’re probably too young to remember the Vietnam War. John McCain was a POW. I just recently found that out about him. He should have used it in his campaign for President. At any rate, he now goes on to the general election where he faces the unfortunately named Rodney Glassman, a Democrat on the Tucson City Council.

Considering that McCain hasn’t lost re-election since first winning the seat in 1986, I would say that Mr. Glassman’s dreams will likely end up shattered. Yeah, I know. My sense of humor is corny. Well, at least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a trollip, you cunt.


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