02
Sep
10

DRILLING FOR OIL IS A PERFECTLY SOUND IDEA

Some define insanity as repeating the same act over and over again with the expectation of a different outcome. By that definition I was insane in 3rd grade when I kept dumping Elmer’s School Glue all over Becky Bolda out of the hopes that, finally, she would see that I was the one she was meant to be with. Then again, maybe she was the insane one because she kept telling me to stop it out of the hopes that I would.

It also applies to plunging a drill 340 feet below the water and trying to suck crude oil from the earth’s crust without unleashing the unmeasured pressures which exist that deep. So when the forces of nature you’ve been tampering with are released with unbridled fury and come close to causing an unparalleled natural disaster, the best thing to do is move your retarded science experiment 90 miles away and start again.

In case you missed it, and you probably did because Paris Hilton’s vagina and coke habit are in the news again, a second oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico spontaneously combusted forcing the crew to abandon ship. According to the UK Guardian:

“The company, Mariner Energy, said none of the 13 workers, who fled the platform and took to the sea in immersion suits, were injured. The coastguard said they were taken by ship to a nearby platform and from there to hospital in Houma, Louisiana, to be checked. Ships, helicopters and a plane were sent by the coastguard from Houston, New Orleans and Mobile.

Photographs of smoke billowing from the rig alarmed politicians, environmentalists, fishermen and others on the Gulf coast, still coping with pollution from the BP oil spill.”

Mariner Energy threw around some phrases like “the rig hadn’t started drilling yet” and “there’s no oil spilling into the gulf”. However, I prefer to use phrases like “Mariner Energy is owned by former members of the SS” and “the oil industry is giving your child tumors”. That’s a much more interesting story. And thanks to corporate control of the media I’m far more concerned about being entertained than I am about being informed.

Naturally the oil industry used every employee on hand to contain the situation. Well, when I say “every” employee I mean “every” in the sense that some use the word “none”. Why? The Guardian goes on to explain:

“The fire is a setback for the oil industry, which has been arguing that drilling in the Gulf is safe and that the BP explosion was a rare event. It came only 24 hours after companies including Mariner had staged a rally in Houston against a moratorium on deepwater drilling in the Gulf. About 5,000 employees had been bussed in for the rally.

Barbara Dianne Hagood, a spokesman for Mariner Energy, told the Financial Times on Wednesday: “I have been in the oil and gas industry for 40 years, and this [the Obama] administration is trying to break us. The moratorium they imposed is going to be a financial disaster for the Gulf coast, Gulf coast employees and Gulf coast residents.”

Yeah. Fucking Obama Administration. Always beating up on the small businessman. Regulation is always worse than the pollution or deaths it prevents. Case in point: my first business in which I killed the homeless with a flamethrower and then billed the city for fuel costs. I never thought trying to help people would be so expensive. Nor did I think trying to make an honest buck would make so many people angry. I tell you this country is going straight to Hell.

BTW- the picture above is from an oil rig fire in Mumbai and not the oil rig fire I’ve been talking about. I used it because it looks more dangerous and threatening than the one in the story. And while it might be unfair to the oil industry for me to engage in such practices, it would be an even bigger injustice if I actually pretended to care.

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