29
Sep
10

C.O.B.R.A!

I’m a big believer that the “War on Terror” has always been a bunch of bolognas. I don’t think anything has changed since 9/11. The same people in the world are blowing things up and we’re blowing up things in the countries where these people live. Terrorism has pretty much been the same since 1988 when it kind of hit the big time.

On December 21st, 1988 Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi, a former Libyan intelligence officer, helped smuggle a bomb aboard a Pan Am flight traveling from London to New York. The explosion killed all 259 people onboard and 11 more on the ground in the Scottish town of Lockerbie. Why would he do something like that? According to Wikipedia:

“The motive that is generally attributed to Libya can be traced back to a series of military confrontations with the US Navy that took place in the 1980s in the Gulf of Sidra, the whole of which Libya claimed as its territorial waters. First, there was the Gulf of Sidra incident (1981) when two Libyan fighter aircraft were shot down. Then, two Libyan radio ships were sunk in the Gulf of Sidra. Later, on 23 March 1986 a Libyan Navy patrol boat was sunk in the Gulf of Sidra,[68] followed by the sinking of another Libyan vessel on 25 March 1986.[69] The Libyan leader, Muammar al-Gaddafi, was accused of retaliating to these sinkings by ordering the 5 April 1986 bombing of West Berlin nightclub, La Belle, that was frequented by U.S. soldiers and which killed three and injured 230.[70]

The U.S. National Security Agency’s (NSA) alleged interception of an incriminatory message from Libya to its embassy in East Berlin provided U.S. president Ronald Reagan with the justification for USAF warplanes to launch Operation El Dorado Canyon on 15 April 1986 from British bases[71][72] —the first U.S. military strikes from Britain since World War II—against Tripoli and Benghazi in Libya. Among dozens of Libyan military and civilian casualties, the air strikes killed Hanna Gaddafi, a baby girl Gaddafi said he adopted. To avenge his daughter’s death, Gaddafi is said to have sponsored the September 1986 hijacking of Pan Am Flight 73 in Karachi, Pakistan.[73]

Anyone who grew up in the 1980’s will remember Momar Khaddafi. What I don’t remember is him being a real-life Cobra Commander. And when you hijack airliners to avenge your daughter’s death you have definitely achieved supervillain status. And he’s even got his own sort of post-80’s Gene Simmons look going.

In a plot that would make Major Bludd bubble and blush, Quaddafi orchestrated the release of the mad bomber himself. After spending 8 1/2 years in a British jail for blowing up Pan Am 103, Megrahi was released into Libyan custody when he was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer. He was given three months to live. That was over a year ago. Luckily your Congress is on the case. According to BBC NEWS:

“A hearing on the release of Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi is set to get under way in the US.

Democratic senator, Robert Menendez, will chair the session of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

It will examine the circumstances of the release by Scots Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill – in particular claims of links to an oil deal involving BP.

The Senate Foreign Relations Committee aims to examine claims that BP played a part in securing Megrahi’s release in a bid to safeguard an exploration deal with Libya.

The oil giant and both the British and Scottish governments have denied this and will not be represented at the hearing in Washington.”

Of course they won’t be represented. BP would rather just taunt us via satellite feed from a secret island base somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico. To put this in terms any 11-year-old boy can understand, Cobra Commander made a deal with Tomax and Xamot to sway a British court to release Zartan in exchange for drilling rights in Libyan waters.

Then, Dr. Mindbender created Serpentor who rose from the dead and wrought havoc on GI Joe. And that’s pretty much when GI Joe started to suck for me, personally.

And while it says volumes that Britain was willing to give Zartan up, it says even more that Libya wanted him back. It speaks phonebooks-worth about the Libyan people who greeted him home a year ago as if he had just won the goddamn Olympics.

I’m sure Mohammar Gaddaphi has an army of genetic supermen protecting him. And I bet he has the coolest escape plane. The leader always has the coolest escape plane. But, HISS Tanks or not, I think we owe it to ourselves to do everything possible to make sure something terrible happens to this guy. But there’s oil involved. And whenever oil is involved the rules of logic and coherence are overruled. Until then, the fight for freedom wherever there’s trouble will have wait for another day.

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