Every one of us knew that kid in grade school who was a complete attention whore. In my case it was a kid named Marcellus. Marcellus was always in trouble. So much so that people just started to ignore him when he would drink Elmer’s School Glue or pick his nose with a pencil. I remember one time the entire class decided to ignore him. He stood up, pulled down his pants and pissed on the floor.

News has been brewing for two days now that North Korea is about to pull its pants down for a third nuclear test. This follows two previous tests, in 2006 and 2009, which brought global condemnation from just about everyone on the planet. But, at least it got everybody’s attention.

Judging from the picture above, North Korea’s main military tactic will be to march across the 38th parallel and kick everyone they meet in the testicles. If that’s the case then I don’t know what they need nuclear weapons for.

“The North has long justified having the weapons saying they are to counter a similar threat from the United States. The Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT), a global nuclear safeguard accord, was not doing its job properly, the official commentary late on Saturday said.

“This compelled (North Korea) to pull out of the NPT and have access to nuclear deterrent legitimately in order to protect the sovereignty and security of the country,” it said. The isolated and impoverished North withdrew from the NPT in 2003.

Chosun Ilbo, South Korea‘s biggest-selling newspaper, reported Thursday that the North appeared to be preparing for another nuclear test, citing an unidentified government source.” – AFP

It is estimated that over 2,000 nuclear tests have been conducted on the planet since the first one in 1945. The United States alone is believed to have conducted over half of those. In my opinion, and I’m no expert, they work.

There is speculation that power has already been transferred from ailing Kim Jong Il to his son Kim Jong Un. And, that this nuclear test is his way of carrying on a family tradition of belligerence in North Korea. Thankfully, here in America, our nuclear arsenal is in much safer hands.

“Bill Clinton lost the card containing launch codes for a nuclear strike for “months” during his presidency, according to a top military leader’s memoir. Gen. Hugh Shelton, who served as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff under Clinton, makes the claim in his new book “Without Hesitation,” ABC News first reported Thursday.

“At one point during the Clinton administration, the codes were actually missing. That’s a big deal, a gargantuan deal,” Shelton writes in the book. Shelton is the second military leader to make the startling claim. Retired Air Force Lt. Col. Robert Patterson released a memoir in 2003 in which he said that the launch codes went missing in 1998. Shelton’s book says the code card – known as “the biscuit” – disappeared for a period in 2000.” – CBS

The largest nuclear test ever conducted was in the former Soviet Union. The weapon, called Tsar Bomba, produced an explosion upwards of 50 megatons and could be felt over 600 miles away. Because, you know, that one goes to eleven.

I think whenever the government changes hands the new leaders just can’t wait to let off a nuclear bomb. Personally that’s the whole reason I would ever get into politics. They would be trying to brief me about economic policy or something and I would just keep repeating “Where are the bombs? How do I fire off a bomb?”



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