08
Nov
10

WELCOME TO THE SAUSAGE FEST

Having spent four years in Catholic school I know in great detail all the strange, mysterious and complicated things supposedly going on in Da Vinci’s THE LAST SUPPER. One guy has three feet. Another guy has no feet. There’s a TV set in the foreground. Jesus is… asleep I think.

Here’s one thing I’ve always noticed about it: there are no women in it. Although one or two of them are clearly Bee Gees fans, everyone in the painting is male. And, this is a tradition that most organized religions have invariably carried on. One of the notable exceptions is the Church of England which ordains both women and men to their clergy.

Now, there’s talk of allowing women to become bishops in England. And, according to the Guardian, five C of E bishops have left the church in protest.

“In a statement, five bishops said they were “dismayed” to see the Anglican and Roman Catholic churches “move further apart on some of the issues of the day” and “distressed” by developments in the Anglican communion which they believed to be “incompatible” with 2,000 years of Christian tradition.

Two of the five are what are termed as “flying bishops”, providing leadership and pastoral care for opponents of women clergy; they are the bishop of Ebbsfleet, Andrew Burnham, and the bishop of Richborough, Keith Newton. Two others are retired: David Silk and Edwin Barnes, while bishop John Broadhurst, of Fulham, declared his intentions to leave last month.”

Firstly, the Catholic Church and reality have been “moving further apart on some of the issues of the day” for some time now. Secondly, English bishops have the power to fly which makes Anglicanism the coolest goddamn religion ever.

Thirdly, running away from where the girls are is what you do on a grade school playground.

Below I’ve posted a picture of the current Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Rowan Williams, who had this to say about the recent bishop brouhaha:

“I have today with regret accepted the resignations of bishops Andrew Burnham and Keith Newton who have decided that their future in Christian ministry lies in the new structures proposed by the Vatican. We wish them well in this next stage of their service to the church and I am grateful to them for their faithful and devoted pastoral labours in the Church of England over many years.”

In other words: piss off, mate. Williams, the former torpedo officer aboard a Romulan battlecruiser, has been grappling with this issue for some time now as the church body becomes increasingly liberal. One actual compromise being floated by conservatives would involve the establishment of a new church post which would oversee the bishops. This position would be open to men only. It’s a time-honored technique used in business all the time.

I really don’t understand the rationale behind male-only religious organizations. They claim it has something to do with… I don’t know. I don’t really care either. Intra-religious bickering is like when you come across two Star Wars fans arguing about who would win in a fight between Jengo and Boba Fett. It’s all just made up. You could make your cat a bishop. Nothing is going to happen.

Or, maybe we will all die in a reign of fire and divine retribution that will lay waste to the non-believing world while those who stuck to their wieners will be hanging out with… other dudes in heaven.

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