14
Dec
10

BERLUSCONI SLEEPS WITH THE FISHES

There’s really no way to get into Italy’s current political crisis without making use of every mob movie stereotype imaginable. And when your leader takes pictures like this, well, I would be derelict in my duties as an infotainment professional if I didn’t mock and humiliate him. So let’s get down to it, capiche?

“Italy’s PM Silvio Berlusconi has urged MPs not to jeopardise the government for narrow political interests as he faces two crucial confidence votes. He told the Senate, or upper house, Italy needed operational continuity, and ousting him would create a crisis.

He then told the lower house he would be willing to welcome rebel centre-right deputies back to his government if he survived a vote there. If he loses the vote, Mr Berlusconi has said there will be early elections.” – BBC NEWS

First of all, you’re not fucking Napoleon Bonaparte so get your hand out of your shirt. Secondly, Don Silvio, “narrow political interests” are what government is about. It’s like having Ziti without the meat sauce or pushing a button on a rat without cutting off his hands and sticking a canary in his pocket. What am I, a freakin’ chooch over here?

Whoa, badda bing. I understand. You’re a man of honor and respect. You just wanna’ sit down and have a little conversation. Ya’ know, talk things over. But these fuckin’ goombas, they don’t wanna’ hear it, right? Am I right? Fuggedaboutit. BBC goes on to say:

“In November he was embroiled in a scandal over a 17-year-old dancer called Ruby, who was released from police custody after his personal intervention. He denied any improper conduct, saying he had simply pitied her plight.

In Monday’s speeches, the billionaire media tycoon said those seeking to remove him would be unable to form a government.”

Get the fuck outta’ here. You pity the plight of Sudanese refugees or starving North Koreans, not 17-year-old dancers named Ruby. You sick fuckin’ greaseball. I mean I know a wiseguy’s gotta’ have a gumar and all but quit breakin’ my balls over here, Silvio. Skata zeet!

Berlusconi has served as Italian Prime Minister on three separate occasions making him the second-longest serving caporegime, er, leader of Italy. And, on all three occasions he has been a complete and utter jamook. I mean totally fuckin’ stunad. And at some point, Dio non voglia, they’re gonna’ make him wear some concrete slippers and go for a swim. You hear what I’m sayin’? Huh?

You know, if it weren’t for the fact that I have almost no ethnic sensitivity whatsoever I would actually be ashamed of myself.

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