This is Pakistani Prime Minister Yusuf Raza Gilani. I think he’s waiting for his laundry to finish drying. Either that or he and his senior staff are running around in togas like a bunch of idiots. Hey, what the hell. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. I’m feeling generous today.

Nevertheless, they are very poor in Pakistan so my guess is that Gilani and his cabinet have only one outfit each. Luckily, they have the generous people of the The United States to come and buy them some new clothes. This week, Vice President Joe Biden was there to deliver a check to the tune of $7.5 billion so that the Pakistani leadership doesn’t have to do photo-ops at the laundromat anymore.

“Gilani applauded “very fruitful discussions” with the US vice president.

US officials have sought to smooth an often rocky relationship with Islamabad with promises of huge non-military aid donations on top of its military assistance, to help the nuclear nation develop its fragile economy.

US officials have announced they will fast-track part of a 7.5-billion-dollar five-year aid package to help the country recover from devastating floods last year.

The government in part blames the diversion of national resources to fight militancy for its raft of economic woes, which include a huge fiscal deficit and crippling fuel and energy shortages.” – AFP

Forgive me for being crude (or don’t, I don’t care) but why the fuck are we giving Pakistan $7.5 billion? And on that note, you’re probably asking yourself, why does a nation with a “fragile” economy have nuclear weapons in the first place? I mean, if you’re broke then you probably shouldn’t be buying flatscreen TV sets or new cars.

Nuclear weapons cost money. Building them costs money. Maintaining them costs money. Securing them costs money. Billions and billions of dollars. And despite paranoid, neo-conservative rhetoric the fact is that most countries seek to obtain nuclear weapons not so they can threaten and intimidate other countries (okay, well that is part of the reason sometimes).

More often than not, though, it means they can come to countries like America and ask for money. The reality of foreign aid is much less glamorous than we like to make it sound. Sure, words like “humanitarian” and “economic assistance” are bandied about. But a more accurate term would be “give us money or we’ll blow something up”.

Let me put it to you this way: imagine you live in a nice house. You have a good job and a good standard of living. Your neighbor, on the other hand, is an unemployed drunk with more children than he can support and a house that is falling apart. He then takes out a loan he can never repay and uses the money to buy a bunch of guns and thousands upon thousands of rounds of ammunition.

One day, your neighbor comes to you and asks for money. Lots of it. Every month. Why, you ask? He proceeds to explain that without your money he’s going to have to start selling his arsenal of weapons to local street gangs and anyone else willing to pay for them. Also, he’s going to need you to hire someone to guard his house so nobody breaks in and steals them. And, oh yeah, he needs money for food and beer too. All part of the “package”.

Your first reaction might be to slam the door in his face. But, you’re an intelligent person and you soon realize that you don’t want a bunch of guns on the street in your neighborhood. Your neighbor is smart too, albeit lazy and uneducated.

And that pretty much sums it up. Pakistan is very much that broke, crazy and illiterate neighbor. And now that they pretty much blew everything they have on building a nuclear arsenal it’s up to us to make sure it stays where it is and doesn’t accidentally go off.

It’s a shame, too, because think of what we could do with $7.5 billion right here in America. I’d love to list some things but, frankly, I’m in a good mood today and that would just piss me off.



  1. January 13, 2011 at 3:24 PM

    If I give you a cut can you help me do this to my neighbor and/or landlord?

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