Chances of winning the nomination: poor

Chances of beating Barack Obama: poor

Retard Index: 1.05

A few weeks ago I did a series on the likely contenders for the Republican Presidential nomination and mentioned that I would be taking a look at some of the lesser-known players. As it happens, one of them has all but announced his intention to run this last week or two.

Lately there’s been plenty of Pawlenty in the news. Former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty that is. That’s him in the photo standing next to the white guy.

Little is known about him outside of political circles. And this is probably the only edge as it gives him an opportunity to define himself from the outset. On the other hand, although people will likely give him a second look they will quickly discover there is very little there to look at.

Presidential primaries are great sources of amusement for me. There are some people who run just because they can but haven’t a chance in hell of succeeding (see Dennis Kucinich and Al Sharpton). Ultimately, most of these characters run because they, in some way, represent a faction of their respective party. And by running they give that faction a voice and a place on the party’s platform in the general election.

The only thing which makes him unique is that he’s from the Midwest. And this is a region the GOP desperately needs to win back. So I guess he represents the snow-shoveling, flat state dwelling and… pickup truck driving demo. Shit, I don’t know. I lived in the Midwest for 25 years and I still couldn’t tell you what it’s all about.

He’s also a genuinely nice guy which means he’s toast. Nice people don’t win elections, certainly not Presidential ones. And he actually sounds educated when he speaks which means the retards will never go for him. Sadly, I see him fighting it out for the ass-end of the elephant as a potential running mate for whoever does win. And even then it’s going to be an uphill battle for him.

Should all the other GOP hopefuls perish in a freak gun loading accident, and Pawlenty makes it to the general election, look for him to spend most of his time saying “Yes, it’s pronounced the way it’s spelled: Pawl-enty. Yes, it sounds like plenty. My, you are clever. I haven’t heard that one before. No, I don’t have a head injury. I’m from Minnesota. MINNESOTA. No, that’s Wisconsin you’re thinking of. Aw, go to hell, eh!”



  1. 1 illliterature
    January 20, 2011 at 4:15 PM

    do one on trump.

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