02
Feb
11

RUPERT MURDOCH IS HERE TO RESCUE YOU

You have to hand it to Rupert Murdoch. The guy has made a massive fortune by getting people to pay to be lied to. Which is kind of like those people who pay prostitutes to shit and piss on them. Well, not really. But shit and piss jokes get attention and that, in a roundabout way, brings us back to Rupert Murdoch again. See how I did that? Total Jedi stuff.

“News Corp. CEO Rupert Murdoch and a gaggle of tech and media chroniclers gathered Wednesday at the Guggenheim Museum in New York for a first look at the debut edition of The Daily, News Corp.’s experimental iPad “newspaper.”

“The iPad demands that we completely re-imagine our craft,” Murdoch said. “I’m convinced that in the tablet era there’s room for a fresh and robust new voice.” – CNN MONEY

When I think of the words “fresh” and “robust” I think of wines from New Zealand or breasts from Victoria’s Secret. When I think of Rupert Murdoch, or anything to do with his media empire, I think of Richard Burton from 1984. And bestiality for some strange reason.

Thus far I have been unable to find out if THE DAILY will be a screaming right wing FOX NEWS/Goebbels-esque rag or, you know, a normal news source. I find this to be an odd pairing because most conservatives are not hipster techies. Then again, neither are most iPad users. They’re just vacuous, shallow and poorly dressed. Of course, so are most conservatives. Ah yes, now I see Murdoch’s latest master plan unfolding in all its complexity.

Or, maybe Rupe is really just a decent guy who believes in a fair and balanced world. Maybe after all these years he’s looked at the damage FOX NEWS has done to vast segments of the world’s population, creating a generation of intellectually bulimic and socially retarded people. Maybe he wants to go back to the light and expel the darkness he has brought on us.

And maybe I’ve found my inner vagina and have come to the conclusion that pornography is really degrading to the female form. And instead of downloading countless gigs of pirated hardcore today I’m going to curl up on the sofa and watch THE VIEW so I have a better understanding of the opposite sex and how their unique worldview helps shape the rich and beautiful  society we live in.

Boy, if it weren’t for my ability to make myself laugh uncontrollably, my day would totally suck.

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3 Responses to “RUPERT MURDOCH IS HERE TO RESCUE YOU”


  1. February 26, 2011 at 8:54 AM

    You say: “Thus far I have been unable to find out if THE DAILY will be a screaming right wing FOX NEWS/Goebbels-esque rag or, you know, a normal news source. I find this to be an odd pairing because most conservatives are not hipster techies. Then again, neither are most iPad users. They’re just vacuous, shallow and poorly dressed. Of course, so are most conservatives.”

    Perhaps for you the iPad has been a harsh and confusing experience. Sure, “change is good” unless you are Ted Kaczynski, in which case…not so good. Just like Frodo’s ring, the iPad can be used for the good or bad. You make the choice, but don’t unilaterally dismiss it…and that’s all I have to say about that…

    • February 26, 2011 at 5:19 PM

      The entire “i” culture is merely a cult. Sure, it’s pretty and has lots of big buttons. And anyone can use one, including people in comas and those born without heads. But don’t think for a moment that I don’t know what’s behind the whole scheme:

      You want my semen.

  2. 3 illliterature
    February 2, 2011 at 11:57 AM

    Nice work, man.


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