03
Feb
11

DONALD RUMSFELD IS READY FOR YOU TO FORGIVE HIM NOW

There are things known and things unknown, things we know we don’t know and things we don’t know that we don’t know. And somewhere in between are The Doors. Or something like that. Jesus this asshole is confusing.

Anyway, Donald Rumsfeld has written a book. Unlike other books written by former government officials, this one blames everyone else for the shit that went wrong on his watch.

“Although he describes George W Bush as “a far more formidable president than his popular image”, he also suggests the former president was at fault for not doing more to resolve disagreements among senior advisers.

Mr Bush “did not always receive, and may not have insisted on, a timely consideration of his options before he made a decision, nor did he always receive effective implementation of the decisions he made”, Mr Rumsfeld writes.

“There were far too many hands on the steering wheel,” he writes elsewhere; it was “a formula for running the truck into a ditch”. – BBC NEWS

One time when I was a teenager I drove a truck into a ditch. Well, first I slammed into a van full of handicapped children. Then I put the truck into reverse and backed over them as they tried to crawl to safety. Then I got out and shot them all. Then I got back in the truck, drank a bottle of Everclear and then I drove the truck into a ditch.

Long story short, I told the judge there were too many hands on the steering wheel. He didn’t buy it. But, hey, I’m not a rich old man who once ran the Defense Department (into the ditch along with the truck). Apparently the margin of culpability is different for people who serve in government and wear glasses.

I have to say this actually depicts a far more coherent Bush White House than I imagined. I had always assumed that George Bush (yeah, that one) just woke up every morning, watched Bugs Bunny with his favorite blanket and then goose-stepped around the Oval Office singing PRAISE THE LORD AND PASS THE AMMUNITION while his cabinet did whipits and threw lawn darts at a giant map of the Earth and said “Ooooh, me want go there and break stuff!”

Not to pick on an old man with a deformity but what is with this guy’s eyeballs? One of them is looking at me. The other is rolling back into his head as though he just shot up on Demerol. And what the fuck is he pointing at? He’s an 80-year-old neoconservative Republican, not a G representing B-Town in the house and Junior Mafia.

And if you don’t know, now you know.

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