15
Feb
11

THAT I CANNOT DO

The big news breaking right now is that an Iraqi defector codenamed “Curveball” by the U.S. is admitting that he made up everything about Saddam’s weapons of mass distraction. He’s as shocked as anyone that those claims led to an 8-year occupation of Iraq along with thousands of American deaths and billions of dollars squandered.

Yeah, I’m shocked too. I may have to spend the rest of the day reading Tom Clancy books to reaffirm my hopelessly unrealistic worldview that America can do no wrong. But, being that this is the day after Valentine’s Day I thought it more appropriate to do a piece on something related to romance.

Or old freakin’ goombahs paying underage girls for sex. That works too.

Silvio Berlusconi is to go on trial on 6 April, charged with paying an underage prostitute and then trying to cover up the alleged offence by abusing his position as Italy‘s prime minister. All three judges named for the trial are women. Berlusconi heard the news while in Sicily, where he made no comment, but immediately cancelled a scheduled press conference and flew back to Rome.

A Milan judge, Cristina Di Censo, ruled that Berlusconi should be sent straight to trial, without committal proceedings, accepting the prosecutors’ view that the usual procedures should be waived because of the “obviousness of the evidence” against him. The prime minister risks up to three years in prison on the juvenile prostitution charge and up to 12 years on the charge of abusing his official authority, which is a crime in Italy.” – THE GUARDIAN

You freakin’ figlio stupido di una scimmia senza gambe! You’re the capo! The man at the top! The formaggio di grande! What are you payin’ this woman for? Ay, Silvio, you’re a made man! Whatsa’ matter you face, huh?

Hey… whoa… and what’s with the teenager over here? Huh? I like a good rotolare nel fieno as much as the next wiseguy. But, a little girl? Nah, fuggedaboutit. You sick fuckin’ scumbag, I oughtta’ take you out and split your nuts off the left side of your face! Porca troia!

Ah, but the nerve of these fuckin’ broads. They got no respect, makin’ you come back from the Sicily like this! Makin’ you look bad in the newspapers! Those freakin’  donne generato dalle capre di satana! They make me so mad! You just wait, Don Silvio, when all this merda da una mucca senza testa blows over, we’re gonna’ push a button on these donne che bevono spesso le ferite aperte dei suini.

I accept that racial and ethnic stereotypes are terrible. I also admit that I’m pretty vulgar sometimes. But, what kind of a world do we live in when you have to pay for sex even though you’ve reached supreme executive power? Maybe when we live in a more just society I’ll clean up my act. Until then, go individuare la mia salsiccia e accoppiarsi con essa.

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