Chances of winning the nomination: poor to fair

Chances of beating Barack Obama: poor

Retard index: א

It seems like every four years we go through this same pantomime. Will Donald Trump run for President? Will he? Oh gosh, I don’t know. I’m so excited! Let’s listen to everything he has to say very, very carefully and give him as much free air time as possible!

“I’m a very conservative person. I’m very big into the military. I’m a great guy for defense,” Trump told Fox New’s Greta Van Susteren. “I am probably as conservative as anybody on your show, and that’s going a pretty strong step. I’m a Republican. I’m a very conservative Republican. I believe strongly in just about all conservative principles. I’m pro-life, which, you know, I think is a big social issue and… I am not in favor of gay marriage. I live in New York. New York is a place with lots of gays, and I think it’s great, but I’m not in favor of gay marriage.”

Oh, come on Trump, stop being so coy. You’re not going to run. You just like it when people pay attention to you. And comb your hair for Christ’s sake. You look like a fucking Gonk.

Trump thinks that people took him seriously when he was on TV doing that show… the one I never watched because he’s so goddamn boring. And he probably thinks that people will take him seriously as a political candidate. This goes to demonstrate how utterly detached from reality he is. Granted, that would make him fit right in with this current crowd of Republicans. But, he would be out of his element in a major league political arena.

Not in New York though, where there are “lots of gays” and that’s “great”. Yes, that’s a terrific soundbite to have following you around during a Republican Presidential campaign. But, he is rich. And by golly if you just work three jobs with no health insurance and no overtime pay then you can be rich one day too.

Trump may be a good businessman. Or maybe he’s not. I don’t know. I don’t even really know what business he’s in. I don’t know very much about him at all to be honest. Whenever I see him anywhere my higher brain functions start to shut down and I turn into a crazed Neanderthal. I wake up hours later completely naked at the nearest zoo surrounded by animal carcasses. Bleeding from the anus.

Why is my anus bleeding? I have no idea. I think it’s pretty clear at this point that I’m having much more fun with obscure movie analogies than I am talking about this jackass.



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