07
Mar
11

THE GATES OF HELL

A lot of people on the left gave Barack Obama a hard time when he chose to keep Robert Gates, a Bush appointee, as Secretary of Defense upon entering office. And from a purely political and ideological perspective I can understand why they felt that way. Voting for Barack Obama was about getting rid of macho bullshit conservative types.

I will say, however, that I feel relatively comfortable with this guy in charge of the US Military. Just look at him. If he were staring at me in person like this I would probably break down into tears and start confessing to all the shit I got away with as a kid.

The guy running the most powerful military in the world should be a scary asshole. He should be like the last boss in a video game, flying around in a hoverchair shooting lightning bolts and waving a chainsaw. If you had somehow battled your way past the entire American Military apparatus you would still have to face him in a one-on-one battle to the death.

It also takes a pretty scary guy to sell a policy in complete defiance of what was promised just two years ago.

“Gates said on Monday that both the US and Afghan governments agree on the US military involvement in Afghanistan after the planned 2014 end of combat operations to help train and advise Afghan forces.

“Obviously it would be a small fraction of the presence that we have today, but I think we’re willing to do that,” Gates told a group of US troops at Bagram air field, US and NATO forces headquarter in eastern Afghanistan. “My sense is, they (Afghan officials) are interested in having us do that.”

Responding to a question about the possibility of a long-term military presence, Gates said that Washington and Kabul have recently begun negotiating a security partnership, however he did not give any details.” – AL JAZEERA

No shit they’re interested in having us do that. The second we leave, Afghanistan will turn into a smoldering pit of barbarism and bad hygiene. It will literally rain feces.

I am kind of mad that the whole “We are leaving Afghanistan in 2014” thing turned out to be more of a “No, we’re not leaving Afghanistan in 2014” deal. But, as long as this guy is in charge of the military I’m probably not going to say anything about it. I’m too scared that his eyes will start bleeding and his forked tongue will sting me to death.

Although anyone who thought we were going to turn the sweaty, unshaven armpit of the world into a gleaming beacon of prosperous law and order in the next three years was probably a fucking idiot to begin with. Scary and stupid have a long, long history of going well together.  Just like peanut butter and chocolate or assault and battery.

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