I have a real love/hate thing with regard to science. On the one hand I feel science is the light in an otherwise dark world. A beacon of hope and progress. A symbol of our great untapped potential as a species in this vast and wonderful universe.

But, then I read stuff like this.

“In what can only be described as a mammoth undertaking, scientists, led by British co-chiefs, Dr Damon Teagle of the National Oceanography Centre in Southampton, England and Dr Benoit Ildefonse from Montpellier University in France, have announced jointly in an article in Nature that they intend to drill a hole through the Earth’s crust and into the mantle; a feat never before accomplished, much less seriously attempted.” – PHYSORG.COM

Normally this would just more scientific techno-babble that doesn’t really mean anything. And, admittedly, I kind of shrugged when I saw that part. Then I read this part:

“The Earth’s mantle is the part of the planet that lies between the crust and the iron ball at its center, and to reach it, would require drilling down from a position in the ocean, because the crust is much thinner there. Even still, it would mean drilling through five miles of solid rock. And if that doesn’t sound hard enough, temperatures increase the farther down you go, and could reach as high as 1,050 degrees Fahrenheit; high enough to render useless most modern drill bits. Last but not least is the problem of atmospheric pressure, which increases the deeper you go, to somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 million pounds per square foot near the mantle.”

Sure. Okay. Let’s just bore a hole through the planet we live on. See how deep we can go. Just for the hell of it. Scientists tell us that there is super-compressed magma at the center of the Earth. Movies and fantasy, on the other hand, tell us that the center of the Earth is a hideous primeval underworld. Penetrating the crust that deep risks unleashing hoards of semi-intelligent dinosaurs and murderous ape people who, for some reason, have some serious moobs. And considering how distorted my view of reality is thanks to a lifetime of almost constant media saturation, well, let’s just say I’m arming myself to the teeth right now. I’m also going to rob people at gunpoint and kidnap young college girls as they walk to class.

One day a court-appointed psychiatrist will ask me why I did these things and ask if I understand how wrong they were. I’ll respond by shrugging and saying “Hey, at least I didn’t spend billions of dollars digging a fucking hole through the Earth’s crust for no apparent scientific or commercial reason other than my own intellectual boredom and complete disregard for the consequences.” Yeah. I’m totally gonna’ walk.

1 Response to “DRILL, BABY! DRILL!”

  1. March 30, 2011 at 5:42 PM

    You’re only writing this because you’re a Pinko Commie Eloi.

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