11
Apr
11

AWW, YOU’RE LOADED, EH?

You know what? I like Tim Pawlenty. I do. I would rather have an eel live in my rectum for a year than vote for a Republican. But, on a personal level, I think Pawlenty is a decent guy trying to make his way in an indecent party.

But, I would like him a whole lot more if he were just upfront about a situation like this:

“A staffer for former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty’s presidential exploratory committee in Iowa was suspended Wednesday after being arrested on charges of public intoxication and trespassing. Des Moines television station and CNN affiliate KCCI reported that Benjamin Foster was arrested around 3 a.m. on Wednesday, when an Ankeny family awoke to find him trying to get into the back door of their home and called the police.

“Governor Pawlenty is extremely disappointed in Ben’s actions and his behavior does not meet the standards he expects of his employees,” said Eric Woolson, an adviser to Pawlenty’s exploratory committee. “Therefore, the committee is placing Ben on a two-week unpaid suspension and expects him to bear the legal consequences for his action.” – CNN

Loosely translated: nice job getting caught, dipshit. Come on, man, don’t give me this “extremely disappointed” crap. I spent four years in Minnesota. You people like your beer and you like your 3 AM drunken home invasions. Hell, I was once ticketed by a Minnesota State Trooper for not being intoxicated by 5 PM on a Friday. No joke. They take that shit seriously up there. Over there. Whatever.

Pawlenty should have just shrugged it off and said “Yeah, that’s how we roll at Pawlenty 2012. We’re hardcore, eh?” That guy would have seized the nomination right there and then. Deep down I think we all like a leader who parties. That’s why guys like Bill Clinton and George Bush (not that one, the other one) get elected. Most of us will never have unconditional access to drugs, booze and morally relaxed women. But, we want to know that somewhere someone does.

Having political power has always been about sex and partying and trespassing. And it always will be. Show me a political leader who doesn’t booze it up or chase skirt and I’ll show you an alien invader sent to infiltrate the human leadership in the first stage of a massive invasion of the planet Earth. And I guarantee you when they get here they’re going to drink all our beer and steal all our women. So I guess Pawlenty is already laying the groundwork for intergalactic peace and understanding. Holy shit, that guy’s a genius!

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