15
Apr
11

OH FOR CHRIST’S SAKE

It’s tax day today. Which, of course, means that I just started getting my shit together like an hour ago. I’m in no hurry. It’s all just another tank of gas in Hamid Karzai’s Mercedes anyway.

Speaking of countries in the Middle East that are sucking us dry, there’s a story in the Israeli media today that caught my attention. Apparently, archaeologists there found an ancient hole in the ground with a couple of corpses named “Caiaphas” and some junk in it. So naturally everyone is asking themselves if this could have something to do with Jesus. Or, more likely, tourism.

“The name Caiaphas is rare for the Second Temple era and in fact is totally unknown among archaeological finds. This allowed the digging detectives to say with confidence that the site is the burial cave of the family of Caiaphas, the Jerusalem high priest in Jesus’ time and one of the primary antagonists in Christian scripture.

It was this Caiaphas who gave Jesus up to the Romans. He, along with Judas Iscariot, was the symbol of Jewish treachery, a denier of the truth and the de facto basis for Christian anti-Semitism.

Aside from the ossuaries, the cave held other treasures: coins, a perfume bottle, an oil lamp in an earthenware pot, and two rusty and bent nails. These nails, Jacobovici claims, are no less than the original nails hammered into the hands of Jesus Christ as he was crucified.” – HAARETZ

I wonder what the average gas mileage is on a voyage in logic that large. It’s got to be steep. For all we know, Caiaphas and his kid died from Tetanus and they buried the nails with them to warn others not to play with sharp, rusty stuff. Or maybe it’s just a bunch of crap nobody wanted.

On that note, the other day I tripped over a rock while walking the dog. I’m pretty sure this is the rock David used to slay Goliath. How do I know this? I just have faith, that’s all. Hopefully eBay and PayPal have the same faith I do. If not then that’s cool. They’re just going to burn in Hell is all.

I also found a slug on my bathroom floor a few weeks ago. I’m not completely sure but I do believe this is the same thing Khan put into Mr. Chekov’s ear to control his mind. Oh yeah, and I also found a ring in a box of Cracker Jack that I’m like totally certain belonged to Sauron. Cha-ching!

Of course I’m sure the government will want its cut too. Render unto Caesar and so forth. Maybe I’ll take a page from Jesus’ playbook and go running through the local IRS offices, flipping tables over and rebuking everyone. That way, in a few thousand years, the taser they use to subdue my crazy ass will be worth millions.

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1 Response to “OH FOR CHRIST’S SAKE”


  1. April 16, 2011 at 8:48 AM

    I needed to read straight through this post twice since it was interesting! beautiful expression, a nothing else but useful article. Thank you. I consequent your site to wish you prolonged success.


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