Say hello to Pakistani Prime Minister Syed Yousuf Raza Gilani and Afghan President Hamid Karzai. Better known these days as the two most fucked guys on earth. I would specify which one is which but I feel fairly confident in my belief that you don’t care and it doesn’t really matter anyway.

Karzai only exists because we stop people from killing him. Gilani only exists because we pay him billions of dollars a year to hire people to keep other people from killing him. It’s only through U.S. aid that either government even functions. Well, when I say “function” I mean it in the same way other people mean “Jesus, that thing is busted and can’t be fixed.”

Over the weekend the world became aware of just how fucking inept these two guys are when Osama Bin Laden, the most famous terrorist on Earth, was discovered to be hiding right next door to Pakistan’s most prestigious military academy in a town inhabited mostly by military and security personnel. And I don’t mean like the same region or general area. I mean if someone at the academy had opened a window and looked outside they would have said “Holy shit, there’s Osama Bin Laden!”

Of course the government of Pakistan immediately refuted any notion that they were either totally fucking clueless or somehow in bed with Al Qaeda.

“Earlier, in an opinion piece in the Washington Post, (Pakistani) President Asif Ali Zardari admitted Bin Laden “was not anywhere we had anticipated he would be”. But he denied the killing suggested Pakistan was failing in its efforts to tackle terrorism.

Mr Zardari said Pakistan had “never been and never will be the hotbed of fanaticism that is often described by the media. Such baseless speculation may make exciting cable news, but it doesn’t reflect fact,” he said. “Pakistan had as much reason to despise al-Qaeda as any nation. The war on terrorism is as much Pakistan’s war as it is America’s.”

Pakistani Foreign Secretary Salman Bashir tried to draw a line under the matter, saying: “Who did what is beside the point… This issue of Osama Bin Laden is history.” – BBC NEWS

I remember coming home drunk one night after having crashed the family car through a zoo. And a children’s hospital. And my old fourth grade teacher’s house. I told the police that who did what was beside the point. They were quite adamant in their belief that who did what was very much the point. As I believe that we Americans should be now with regard to these idiots. And all the money we’re spending on them. Which, I might add, is a totally obscene amount.

Of course Bin Laden’s death is largely symbolic. And, the fight in that region between sane, rational people and complete fucking lunatics will go on. But, in America we can already see the writing on the wall: it’s time to put away the checkbook and go home. And, of course, once there are no longer 125,000 American troops and billions of dollars in aid flowing into these two countries, these two dipshits will have to fend for themselves. Which means they’ll probably be dead in a matter of months.

But, I feel there is a certain noble righteousness in failing or succeeding on your own. Nothing builds character like having to walk your own path. By yourself. With your own money. Shit, man, that’s what I plan on telling my kids when they turn 18.


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