04
May
11

FUCK YOU, HIPPIE

It’s my firm belief that this country needs more meat eating, gun owning, porn watching liberals. The kind of people who support worker rights, drink too much and don’t take any shit from third world dictators. People who are comfortable with gay marriage and abortion rights but take Jujitsu instead of Tai Chi. People who play HALO instead of Hacky Sack.

And less… well, less like the jackass in the picture. Thanks to Tommy Chong up there, half the people in this country will reliably vote against their own self-interests because the word liberal has been corrupted to mean weak and touchy-feely.

Earlier this week I was prepared for the inevitable right wing attempt to somehow spin Osama Bin Laden’s death to make President Obama look bad. And of course I wasn’t disappointed. But I was surprised to see the left wing in this country so quick to jump on him too. And I was reminded very clearly why I don’t consider myself a liberal anymore: because these fucking people make me sick.

So, let’s get this over with so I can go back to my morning routine of masturbating in the living room window while I watch people on their way to work. Hey, screw you. I’m comfortable with myself.

KILLING BIN LADEN MAKES US NO BETTER THAN HE WAS

Actually, yes it does. By any metric, killing the guy who has sworn to kill you before he can carry out that threat makes you better than him. Game over.

KILLING BIN LADEN SOLVES NOTHING

Stalin had a famous quote: “Death solves all problems. No man, no problem.” Whatever the debatable importance of Bin Laden, now or ever, killing him has removed him from the equation. Unless he’s a goddamn Gorgon and his spilled blood turns into giant scorpions, he personally is done posing any kind of threat whatsoever.

KILLING HIM WILL ONLY INCITE HIS FOLLOWERS TO ATTACK US

I don’t know if you’ve been keeping up with current events for the last ten years but while Osama was kicking it in Pakistan, apparently in the best of health, his crazy ass followers were blowing shit up left and right. Those people would declare jihad over a bounced check. The whole idea of terrorism is to scare your enemy into doing what you want them to. And if people like you ran this country then they wouldn’t have to try very hard.

HE WAS UNARMED, WE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN HIM ALIVE

He also wasn’t armed on September 11th, 2001 yet look at the fucking devastation he caused. Frankly, I don’t care if he was on the shitter with his pants around his ankles. Jacking off to photos of a goat or Barbara Bush. Plug him, I say. A Bin Laden trial would have been the biggest waste of taxpayer money since the bank bailout. Or the war in Afghanistan which, incidentally, is pretty much Bin Laden’s fault too. Put him on ice and move on.

IT’S WRONG TO CELEBRATE SOMEONE’S DEATH, EVEN BIN LADEN’S

I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. It’s too loud in here with all the air horns and music. And I’m drunk so, you know, I don’t care what you think anyway. Look, the economy is still in the tank. We’re still bogged down in totally pointless wars overseas. Rich people are still fucking the rest of us. But, at least we killed this asshole. Don’t even think about trying to take that one away from the rest of us.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah. Good morning, commuters…

Advertisements

0 Responses to “FUCK YOU, HIPPIE”



  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: