I was going to do my entire post in Spanish today in honor of Cinco De Mayo. But, three years of high school Spanish left me with no practical knowledge that I could put to use in the real world. Same goes for Algebra and those two weeks of square dancing in gym class. Biology and Chemistry were totally worth it though. In fact you could argue that without those classes I would never get laid.

No, I don’t drug women and have sex with them. They like it that I”m so well-read in those subjects. Intelligence is actually appealing to some people. You sick asshole.

At any rate, it’s only fitting that on this holiday I once again take to the internet to promote my view that we should invade Mexico. And, as I’ve said before, build an actual country that we could be happy to call our neighbor. And yes, I know that picture is disturbing. So maybe you should stop looking at it. Jesus, you have problems.

“The United States has spent over $1 trillion promoting democracy in far-flung Iraq and Afghanistan while friendly neighbor Mexico gets a fraction of that to fight drug gangs and prevent a slide into chaos.

Mexico’s frustration with the priority Washington grants to a shared crackdown on drug gangs has plunged ties between the two allies to their lowest ebb in years.

Last year alone, the U.S.-backed campaign launched in late 2006 by President Felipe Calderon claimed the lives of over 15,000 people in Mexico. That was more than double the combined civilian deaths reported in Afghanistan and Iraq, where the United States has spent over $1.2 trillion in the past decade.” – REUTERS

15,000 people? Christ, man, what the fuck were you doing? Did you just put on a blindfold and run out into the street with an Uzi and hope for the best? And I’m guessing that knife trick you’ve been practicing isn’t quite working out either. The magic cabinet is supposed to have an escape hatch, dude.

Of course the reason Iraq finally calmed down and became something vaguely resembling a country is because we sank more than money into it. We put boots on the ground. And tanks in the street. And planes in the air. Mexico’s problems won’t be solved by money alone. And although I’m not crazy about nation building or occupying other countries I do believe that sometimes it has to be done. And I can think of 31 reasons why doing that in Mexico makes more sense than Iraq or Afghanistan (which, incidentally, is how many knives that guy has stuck in him).

Cinco De Mayo strikes me as more of an American holiday these days. Celebrated by Mexican immigrants who are really happy they don’t live in Mexico anymore. And I don’t blame them one bit. I like it here too. America should be a place where sane, rational people looking for law and order and a decent living can come and live. Hell, I’ll drink to that.

Here, have a beer. Yeah, I know it tastes funny. Don’t worry about it. Go on now and drink it down. There you go, sweetheart, bottoms up…


1 Response to “YAAAY! CINCO DE MAYO!”

  1. 1 Connie Olcewicz
    May 6, 2011 at 4:32 PM

    You sick fuck! My kids read internet! You shit piece I hate you! Die! Die! How come your wife fuck you? Esshole!

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