I’m someone who is a hell of a lot more afraid of corporations than I am of my government. And it’s not that I’m completely against the idea of private industry either. I just want the state to erect a wall between me and it. A wall topped with barbed wire. And flamethrowers. And ninjas. Ninjas with machine guns and robot hawks that shoot lasers out of their eyes. And anyone who is going to tell me about how the good folks in the private sector are just trying to make an honest living is going to hear an earful from me about this fucking lunatic:

“Late one night last November, a plane carrying dozens of Colombian men touched down in this glittering seaside capital. Whisked through customs by an Emirati intelligence officer, the group boarded an unmarked bus and drove roughly 20 miles to a windswept military complex in the desert sand.

The Colombians had entered the United Arab Emirates posing as construction workers. In fact, they were soldiers for a secret American-led mercenary army being built by Erik Prince, the billionaire founder of Blackwater Worldwide, with $529 million from the oil-soaked sheikdom.

Mr. Prince, who resettled here last year after his security business faced mounting legal problems in the United States, was hired by the crown prince of Abu Dhabi to put together an 800-member battalion of foreign troops for the U.A.E., according to former employees on the project, American officials and corporate documents obtained by The New York Times.“ – THE NEW YORK TIMES

You can read the entire article here. But, you’re probably too busy serving your own corporate slave masters at work today. So, here’s another section from the article that gives you a pretty good idea what American capitalism is bringing the rest of the world:

“The force is intended to conduct special operations missions inside and outside the country, defend oil pipelines and skyscrapers from terrorist attacks and put down internal revolts, the documents show. Such troops could be deployed if the Emirates faced unrest or were challenged by pro-democracy demonstrations in its crowded labor camps or democracy protests like those sweeping the Arab world this year.”

So, can anyone hire a mercenary or do you have to be a government or corporation? For example, can I hire a guy from Mr. Prince to beat the ever loving shit out of my neighbor every time he plays country music too loud? Can I hire someone to go into Minnesota and blow up that collection agency that’s been chasing me for like fifteen years now over some $19 check I wrote that apparently bounced? Can I hire a team of former special forces guys to stand around my car wherever I park it and fire machine guns at anyone who tries to ticket or tow it?

The answer, of course, is no. To engage in any of these activities would be in violation of all kinds of laws. The very same laws Mr. Prince was breaking with impunity until his friends in the Republican Party were voted out of office. Which is why he’s taken up residence in the Middle East where a private army can run amok without any interference from civilians and their silly, profit-inhibiting rights and laws.

In what I’m sure is completely unrelated but philosophically identical news, Disney has just trademarked the name SEAL TEAM SIX. Which I’m sure the men and women of our armed forces are happy about. It’s one thing to know you’re putting your life on the line for America, its people and ideals. It’s something else entirely when you’re doing it for fucking Mickey Mouse.


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