Taliban leader Mullah Omar is rumored to have been killed in the last week or so. Apparently, nobody has been able to find him for the last five or six days. Then again we haven’t been able to find him for the last ten years. And before that he wasn’t exactly Johnny-on-the-Spot. Even though we drove him and his followers from power in 2001 they still remain firmly entrenched in parts of Afghanistan and neighboring Pakistan.

Over the weekend, for example, the Taliban took over a Pakistani naval installation and had to be forcibly removed by commandos. I for one wouldn’t even know what to do with a Pakistani naval base even if I did somehow manage to take it over. It’s not a fucking game of RISK or something.

“Omar was a rural Islamic cleric when became a leader of a group of students — or “taliban” — who took over Afghanistan in the early 1990s and established a hard-line Islamic fundamentalist regime that gave shelter to Osama bin Laden and his al Qaeda terrorist network.

The reclusive Omar refused to be photographed or filmed and rarely traveled. He infrequently gave interviews and was thought to have met only two non-Muslims in recent years.

Nonetheless what Omar said passed as law when the Taliban ruled Afghanistan, and to challenge him was unknown. The “commander of the faithful,” as he had become known, created the Taliban in the early 1990s and was their spiritual guide.” – CNN

Omar is kind of like the Keyser Soze of the terror world. Bigfoot has actually been seen more times than this guy. And I’m starting to wonder if he even ever existed at all. If he never existed then you can never actually kill him. Which means you’ll always have a bad guy to fight.

And if he does exist then I have to say that “Founded the Taliban” looks bad as hell on a resume. It’s almost like he should have his own Mortal Kombat character or reality TV show or something. By some accounts Omar was mostly a patsy playing Bud Abbott to Bin Laden’s Lou Costello. Others would suggest a more Seinfeld-esque relationship between the two with Bin Laden playing Kramer to Omar’s Jerry. Others still would paint a far more SANFORD AND SON type scenario. There’s also a porno out there from a few years back where these two get it on with Donald Bumsfelt and Cunnilingus Rice.

And this better not be the best photo they have of the guy. My guess is that if you want to find someone who looks like this in the Middle East you’ll probably find him very quickly.


1 Response to “HAVE YOU SEEN ME?”

  1. October 6, 2014 at 1:35 PM

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