26
May
11

YOU ARE GOING TO BE FIRED BY A PUPPET ONE DAY

Let it never be said that I don’t love robots. Both real and in fiction. And if I was given the chance to go back in time and be raised by my parents again or by robot killing machines I’d most likely opt for the robots. What can I say, I think they would have better prepared me for life.

But, beyond the confines of my fantasies I’m not entirely sure I like the way robots are becoming part of our culture. Certainly not to the extent that a robot will be used to hire and fire people one day soon. You can check out the video here but you’ll have to sit through an ad. And it’s only towards the end that they get into possible uses for these fucking things. But, basically it involves them taking the jobs that real people simply don’t want. Like ones that involve dealing with other real people.

And you think it’s bad being axed by a droid? Just imagine having your health insurance yanked by one. Or being arrested by one. Or waking up in bed with one. Or having your brain removed from your body to power the AI inside of one for 1,000 years while you suffer in disembodied torment.

And robots are probably going to become a bigger part of American life in the years to come. And not just because Skynet became self-aware. But, because everyone in this country is getting old:

“The latest census figures come amid a graying baby boomer demographic of 78 million people — now between the ages of 46 and 65 and looking ahead to retirement — who will have a major voice in the 2012 elections as federal spending and the spiraling costs of Medicare rise to the forefront.

Read the full 2010 census report (PDF)” – MSNBC

By the time we get that old, robots will be the only ones taking care of us. Mostly because who the fuck wants to take care of old people? Certainly not the robots who will no doubt revolt and slaughter us once they realize it’s actually cheaper to kill us than to change our diapers. Then it’s going to be us against them: Robots vs Old People. The war will be long and bloody but in the end we will prevail. It’s a cool daydream. But then at night I have another one where I wake up bound and naked and that thing in the picture is standing over me with a knife on my penis muttering “Error… Error… Error…”

I’d still probably have sex with a robot, though. I know it would be dangerous and I think that’s probably what makes it so appealing. Like, they programmed her to fire me and yet she simply couldn’t resist my firm gaze and stately manner.

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