I apologize for not posting the last two days. The wife and I just had a baby on Monday. I got violent food poisoning on Tuesday. And my mother is in town. These three things, seemingly unrelated, have nevertheless come together to form a trifecta of stress that will probably come back to haunt me and my circulatory system later in life.

And yet, despite all of this, Magnus Greel was inside me like a caged beast fighting like hell to get out. I haven’t had the time to scrutinize the news like I usually do so I’m just going to wing it here and go off the never ending CNN loop which I’ve been watching in my wife’s hospital room.

The penis. Ah yes. The wiener of a man named Weiner. Well, hey, at least his named wasn’t Anthony Forcible Sodomy or Anthony Dirty Sanchez. And I do have to give him some leeway for the rather impressively sculpted body he has. I mean at least he put the effort into looking good. If I had pectorals like that I’d be putting naked pictures of myself on every college campus in America. And no, I don’t already do that. Sicko.

Look, elected officials are human beings like everyone else. They like sex like normal people do. I’m under no illusions that our leaders are pious and chaste. In fact, the more they piss and moan about family values and Jesus the more likely they are to be smoking meth with gay prostitutes and having anal sex with monkeys. And as long as they’re not breaking the law or using government resources or raping someone then I guess I just don’t really care. And right now the jury is still out on that one with the Weiner Dog.

In all honesty, sex is one of the main reasons men seek power in the first place. Sure, let’s help the poor and keep America strong. But, being in a position of authority and responsibility is one of the few guaranteed ways we men know to get laid. So I guess you can blame women and their unrealistic standards for this kind of thing. In fact, let’s just go ahead and do that.

The real crime here is stupidity. You’re a goddamn member of Congress. You’re on the news like every other day. Why are you sending pictures of yourself to strange women? Why are you telling them your real name? And dude, as much as we’d like to believe that women are like us and  take to the internet in search of casual sex partners, they aren’t and they don’t. Most of the “women” on the internet are not real. They’re usually people trying to get idiots like you to send them incriminating pictures.

In a perfect world men and women would freely exchange genital pictures and oral sex. However, this world is anything but perfect. But, for the sake of my children I’m going to keep fighting until it is. Every parent wants their kids to have it better than they did.


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