14
Jun
11

RUSSIA WILL RULE THE WORLD… OR BLOW IT UP

There’s an old saying that goes something like this: Just because you can do something doesn’t mean that you should. It’s a pretty sensible saying in my view. There’s another one I’m also fond of: If you don’t know how to build something that isn’t dangerous, you don’t just build it anyway you fucking jackass.

There’s a story I’ve been following for a while now about Russia’s brilliant idea to build floating nuclear reactors which can go anywhere on the planet and provide electricity. Of course when I say “brilliant” I mean it in the way you might say it to someone who just jumped off the roof of their house with a blanket as a parachute.

Dude, in all seriousness, your country doesn’t exactly have the greatest reputation for building things that don’t blow up, leak chemicals or radiation or end up killing all kinds of people and wildlife. So I wouldn’t capitalize on your “50 years” of experience in working with nuclear power. For that matter, your record as an industrial power is not something I would bring up when trying to convince the world that your floating nuclear reactor idea is safe and sound. And frankly, I don’t know that there is a good way to pitch the idea of a “floating nuclear reactor”. That kind of falls into the same category as “cyanide-based birth control” or “daycare adjacent military ordinance testing range”.

Russia’s history in this area is something I’ve posted on before both here and here. But hey, let’s not just pick on the old boys in the East. Maybe there’s a reason that Western powers, who build the best nuclear reactors in the world, haven’t tried something this incredibly idiotic. Because harnessing the power of the atom safely is difficult enough without putting the fucking thing on a boat and sailing it all over the place like a goddamn cruise ship. And the Japanese, who I’m sure are just tickled pink that Russia plans to park one of these things a few hundred miles from their shores, have done some groundbreaking work in the area of combining seawater with millions of rads of radiation. I think they proved fairly convincingly that it’s a really stupid goddamn idea.

It amazes me how little coverage this story has gotten in the media. I mean I had to go to Al Jazeera to get any actual video on this. All the other news outlets are still more interested in Weiner’s Wiener than they are a) the potential dominance of Russia in the North Pole or b) the potential Armageddon that will result if, but probably when, this half-assed idea goes south and the damn thing malfunctions or gets blown up by terrorists. But, I understand. Dicks are awesome. I have one myself and I probably spend more time with it than I do my own family.

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