A few weeks ago I posted a story about villagers in South Africa who tried to kill a monkey they thought was a witch. You probably laughed to yourself thinking you would never see something so ridiculous in the civilized world. Or maybe you didn’t laugh. Maybe you found yourself really depressed about it. Or offended. Personally, I got a little hungry so I ordered a pizza. Then I laughed.

Then, this morning, when I was checking out the headlines I almost fell out of my chair I laughed so fucking hard.

“A Jewish rabbinical court condemned to death by stoning a stray dog it feared was the reincarnation of a lawyer who insulted its judges, reports say. The dog entered the Jerusalem financial court several weeks ago and would not leave, reports Israeli website Ynet.

It reminded a judge of a curse passed on a now deceased secular lawyer about 20 years ago, when judges bid his spirit to enter the body of a dog. The animal is said to have escaped before the sentence was carried out.

One of the judges at the court in the city’s ultra-Orthodox Mea Shearim neighbourhood had reportedly asked local children to carry out the sentence.” – BBC NEWS

Hey, at least the Africans had the guts to kill the poor animal themselves. They didn’t go and bribe children to do it for them. Of course their squeamishness when it comes to acts of spooky barbarism is the least of their worries. Israel has a state-of-the-art military and a goddamn nuclear arsenal. So, I’m kind of curious to see what happens when these clowns decide that your dog is the… you know… whatever.

And at least the dog got away. Someone should throw rocks at these fuckheads. Maybe I’m going to arbitrarily decide that anyone who walks around bundled up in black clothing in the middle of summer is the reincarnation of my 4th grade teacher who would never call on me in class. I mean, why not? If that’s the logic were operating under here. Shit, I’m going to taser the next cop who pulls me over. It’s my constitutionally protected religious belief that anyone who tickets me is a reincarnation of Hitler. You like that game? That’s the game we’re playing now. Hey, I don’t like the guy we just elected to the city council. Or his dog. Let’s kill both of them. I think they were Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer in a past life.

Truth is I’ve known quite a cross-section of Jewish people in my lifetime including Orthodox. None of them ever expressed any beliefs that were this fucking retarded. Of course that’s why they live in America and not in the Middle East. Forget the poor, the tired and the huddled. Give us your non-bearded, non-stone throwing, non-helpless animal torturing masses. Sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.




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