07
Jul
11

RIVER OF DECEIT

Today is one of those days where nothing is really going in the world. I mean, our government is about to shut down and go broke. Egyptians are still protesting for some reason. The royal whatsits are in Los Angeles for a big something or other. And Time Warner Cable is still after me for that wireless modem I never returned. Yawn.

One story did catch my attention however. Rumors have been circulating online regarding the death of former Chinese leader Jiang Zemin. The Chinese, in typical fashion, have aggressively cracked down on anyone writing or reporting about the story in China. I, however, am not in China. So they can pretty much blow me.

“The rumours were sparked after Mr Jiang failed to appear at a key Communist Party event on Friday. Web users say censors have been blocking searches for Mr Jiang’s name in recent days. Internet searches for Mr Jiang’s name have returned a warning the search is illegal.

The word “jiang” also means river, so searches for that word have also returned the same warning. The censorship has prompted people to create cryptic postings about the man who led China for a dozen years. Web censors have deleted domestic blog posts about Mr Jiang and blocked foreign media reports about his state of health. References to him have also been removed from the country’s Weibo microblogging service.

In an attempt to circumvent the censors, online users are posting entries with English variations and alternative names. Though there have been no reports about Jiang Zemin on mainland China, media sources in Hong Kong reported his death on Wednesday night, citing unidentified sources. It is believed Mr Jiang is currently being treated at a military hospital in Beijing.” – BBC NEWS

Jiang, who led China and waved at people from 1989 to 2004, was a key figure in turning an otherwise failing Communist state into an economic juggernaut during the 1990’s. You can pretty much thank him for every piece-of-shit appliance you bought from Target or WalMart that broke after like a week. Although it would seem that the cybernetic parts keeping him alive were much better constructed.

I’m curious, though, what exactly the Chinese government thinks its hiding. That an 84-year-old man might have died? That a guy no longer in power and no longer relevant is no longer walking around wasting oxygen? Then again I suppose if people are obsessing about this guy they’re not thinking about other things like, for example, how badly it sucks to be Chinese. Or maybe they owe Time Warner a modem too. Hell, in that case I could learn a thing or two from these guys. I could just lie to Pam and John from the collections department when they call me instead of handing the phone to my 3-year-old or singing the German national anthem until they hang up.

The Chinese authorities are kind of like that kid you knew in high school who was usually up to no good so often that he instinctively lied about everything even when there was no need to. And no, I wasn’t that kid. And no, I’m not posting at 11:30 because I fucked around all morning playing L.A. Noire and jacking off. I’ve been hard at work chasing down leads and talking to confidential sources to better inform you, the Greelite public.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Thanks China!

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