21
Jul
11

WE NEED TO BREAK UP WITH PAKISTAN

There comes a point in a relationship when it becomes clear that it’s just not working. Like when my girlfriend in high school called the police on me for following her everywhere and going through her trash and threatening this other guy she was “dating” I knew it was time to sit down with her and have a very difficult conversation.

I’m starting to think that a similar moment has arrived with respect to our relationship with Pakistan. Finding Bin Laden there within like 100 feet of their biggest military academy was kind of like coming home from work early one day to find them in bed with another woman. Or man. Whatever. You know what I mean.

There’s also the fact that they pretty much go down on every terrorist organization in the world. Something they haven’t done for us in a long, long time. And even though we recently decided to suspend roughly $800 million in military aid I’m thinking it’s probably time to just cancel all the credit cards and change the locks on the house.

“A separatist leader in Indian-controlled Kashmir said Wednesday the Kashmiri-born man arrested in the U.S. on suspicion of being a Pakistani agent is a victim of a diplomatic conspiracy.

The charge against Syed Ghulam Nabi Fai of the Kashmiri American Council alleges he is an unregistered agent of a foreign government. The U.S. Justice Department says he donated millions to a Washington nonprofit in a secret lobbying effort led by Pakistani intelligence to influence U.S. policy on disputed Kashmir.

Several of Fai’s colleagues in the U.S. also said they were stunned by Fai’s arrest, calling the soft-spoken 62-year-old a “gentleman” who dedicated his whole life to the Kashmiri cause. Associate Nadim Malik, head of advocacy group Kashmir Mission USA, on Tuesday insisted “Dr. Fai and the Kashmiri freedom movement have nothing to do with the ISI.” – ASSOCIATED PRESS

Of course he’s “soft-spoken” and a “gentleman”. The Pakistanis aren’t going to send some screaming lunatic with an eyepatch and a pointy beard over here to sway members of Congress. And apparently, as I’ve blogged before, their ability to squeeze money out of us is already pretty effective. You know we just can’t stay mad at them for long when they put their hair up the way we like it and wear that dress that gets us all turned on.

But then, what blew my mind more than clown porn (which is surprisingly hot, btw) was this last part of the AP story:

“ISI has a complicated relationship with U.S. intelligence. The agency is a crucial ally against terrorists but also works against the U.S. at times, including running double agents against the CIA.”

What the hell are you talking about? That’s like saying that my wife is a crucial part of my life even though I routinely steal money from her purse and fuck the babysitter when she’s not home. And no, I don’t. The babysitter is like 60 and because we’re married it’s not considered stealing. So fuck you.

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1 Response to “WE NEED TO BREAK UP WITH PAKISTAN”


  1. March 24, 2013 at 10:22 AM

    Wow, this piece of writing is pleasant, my younger sister is analyzing such things, so I am going
    to tell her.


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