25
Jul
11

DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK?

This is probably all over the news today. Normally I try to steer clear of the top story of the day because you don’t need me for that. Granted, the real top story today is probably Norway’s very own rampaging cyborg killing machine. But, frankly I think everyone is already giving that asshole far more press than he deserves.

I’m also only human so there was no way in hell I was going to let this one go without chiming in.

“House of Representatives Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi said she will seek an ethics investigation Monday into sexual misconduct allegations against Representative David Wu. Pelosi called for the investigation after reported accusations that the Oregon Democrat had an unwanted sexual encounter with the teenage daughter of a campaign donor.

The new allegations follow other behavior problems for Wu. He announced in February that he was undergoing psychiatric treatment after his staff complained about his erratic behavior in the run up to the November 2010 Congressional elections.

They said Wu had behaved strangely at meetings and had e-mailed pictures of himself wearing a tiger suit to staff. Several key staff members resigned following the election.” – THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE

I think any sexual encounter with this freak is “unwanted”. And, look man, I know that deep down we all kind of fantasize about it but the reality is that no 56-year-old man has “consensual” sex with a fucking teenager. There’s usually rope and some kind of heavy barbiturate involved. Not that I would know. My disarming good looks and uncanny ability to relate to today’s youth are my weapons.

I just wish for once a member of Congress would get in trouble for something cool like secretly being a vigilante or notorious cat burglar. But, it’s always for chasing skirt or being crazy. And I don’t know about you but suddenly our inability to reach a debt deal in Congress doesn’t seem like a such a mystery. Does anybody actually do any work in our government? Jesus Christ. Put the iPhones down for a second, stop taking pictures of your junk and chatting with adolescent girls and maybe, you know, stop the country from falling apart like a goddamned Amish barn.

That’s another picture of Congressman Wu (who is apparently part Lego judging from his hair). He has refused to resign but has said he will not seek reelection. I would like to point out that if words like “unwanted sexual encounter”, “teenage daughter”, “erratic behavior”, “psychiatric treatment” and “tiger suit” appeared in anyone else’s personnel file at work they’d be terminated immediately. Possibly even arrested. You certainly wouldn’t have the luxury of choosing not to resign.

But a member of Congress is different. It’s kind of like being a superhero. They just live by different rules. Like me. Which, incidentally, is a fact that my local police department and the families of those cheerleaders have yet to wrap their heads around. Fucking ingrates.

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