04
Aug
11

WORLD OF WAR KRAFT

It’s been an odd week for me so far. The wife and kids are out of town and I thought being alone for a while was going to be like Tom Cruise in RISKY BUSINESS. Instead, it’s been turning into Martin Sheen at the beginning of APOCALYPSE NOW. Either way I’m still in my underwear.

At some point I also saw this story and thought it was fascinating for some reason. I don’t know why. Maybe you’ll help me figure that out.

“US food giant Kraft has announced plans to split into two independent companies by the end of next year. A global snacks business, with estimated revenues of $32bn (£19.6bn), will include Trident gum, Oreo biscuits and Cadbury.

The other company, a North American food business with revenues of $16bn, will take in brands including Kraft and Philadelphia cheeses, and Capri Sun.

Kraft also reported a rise in profits for the second quarter to $976m. This is 4% higher than the $939m the company made a year earlier. Revenues for the quarter rose 13% to $13.9bn.” – BBC NEWS

I didn’t know that corporations could divide and multiply like Hepatitis or something. It’s just one more thing to add to the already Borg-like imagery associated with American culture. I think that might have been why I thought this was so interesting. Yeah. Let’s go with that.

And while they’re claiming that the two companies will be independent of each other, I still keep picturing Tomax and Xamot laughing maniacally in a penthouse office somewhere. Although that probably has more to do with my wasted youth than any financial understanding. Seriously, man, it wouldn’t have killed me to leave my room from time to time.

Kraft called the move “logical” and then went on to explain why:

“It said its snack food business was focused on fast-growing, developing markets, while its grocery business was primarily focused on growing revenue in North America.”

In other words: they’re going to sling all the junk food to the third world. Not that most Kraft products you find at the grocery store are made with sap from the Tree of Life. But, hey, when you’re starving to death a box of Oreos looks pretty goddamn good. They also go surprisingly well with some squeeze cheese. And tequila.

We could also sell developing nations all of our flammable furniture and diseased puppies. Whatever. Just make some money. It’ll be like one big yard sale and we can rid of all the crap nobody wants like Nestle with all that baby formula or like me with this anatomically correct inflatable Jenna Jameson. They make it look so exciting on the box but at the end of the day you’re just fucking a balloon. Which was still pretty kinky but totally not worth $50.

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3 Responses to “WORLD OF WAR KRAFT”


  1. June 19, 2013 at 2:48 PM

    Hi, I do think this is a great web site. I stumbledupon
    it 😉 I’m going to come back once again since I book-marked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help others.

  2. June 1, 2013 at 3:53 PM

    Why visitors still use to read news papers when in this technological globe all is existing on net?

  3. August 17, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.


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