As someone whose credit is totally shit, I follow the story of America’s lowered credit rating with a detached sense of trivial amusement. Well, to be totally honest I don’t really follow the story at all. When my choices are following the latest economic developments or, say, dressing the dog up in my wife’s underwear and filming it for YouTube, well, I guess you probably know what I end up doing.

At any rate, we’re all screwed apparently. Despite all the melodramatic bullshit from Congress to avoid default the rest of the world basically decided to fuck with America’s credit score.

“The United States lost its top-tier AAA credit rating from Standard & Poor’s on Friday in an unprecedented blow to the world’s largest economy in the wake of a political battle that took the country to the brink of default.

S&P cut the long-term U.S. credit rating by one notch to AA-plus on concerns about the government’s budget deficit and rising debt burden. The action is likely to eventually raise borrowing costs for the American government, companies and consumers.

“The downgrade reflects our opinion that the fiscal consolidation plan that Congress and the Administration recently agreed to falls short of what, in our view, would be necessary to stabilize the government’s medium-term debt dynamics,” S&P said in a statement.” – REUTERS

My reaction to this was pretty simple, actually. Fuck you. Seriously. Hey, world, go fuck yourself and your credit ratings. You don’t want to lend us money anymore? Fine. How about we “downgrade” our military presence in some parts of the world. Let’s see how stable all your math and markets are when China is parking its new aircraft carrier off your shores. Maybe we should “downgrade” our willingness to use our veto power at the U.N. the next time some half-assed group of revolutionaries in your country wants international recognition. That would reflect our opinion that you are full of shit and don’t deserve our protection or influence.

Standard & Poor’s (Really, guys? That’s like calling an anti-obesity foundation Normal & Fat As Fuck’s) is based in New York. And of course it is. Where the hell else would someone with that kind of financial power feel safe? Maybe it’s time we “downgraded” the zoning laws around their headquarters and moved their asses to Jersey. Or South Compton. Yeah, they’ll fit right in there.

Personally, and this is just me talking here, but I think we should simply say “No, our credit is fine” and keep spending money. And keep printing it. And if the rest of the world lowers the value of the dollar then we should lower the rest of the world on our list of priorities when it comes to economic, humanitarian and military aid. Seriously, what the hell is some loan shark operation like S&P going to do about it? Well, yeah, they’d probably devastate the American economy and turn us into global pariahs. But, hey, you can’t make a New World Order Omelette without breaking some eggs.


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