I’ve had a real bitch of a week. My morning routine has been turned into my evening routine. My evening routine is now my 3 AM routine and my 3 AM routine has had to be scrapped altogether because a naked man, drunk off his ass and singing Rush tunes is something one can only get away with in the dead of night. And it sucks because, you know, that was always the highlight of my day.

We’re entering the spectacle of a GOP primary campaign right now. Admittedly, I thought it would be another few months during the heat of inter-party warfare that the true soul of the Republican Party would burst forth like an alien from the chest of a human host. But, apparently, the view that corporations are somehow just like you and me couldn’t wait a full incubatory period. And, one Mitt Romney has just done the political equivalent of undoing his shirt and showing the world his gang tats. Representing, if you will.

“At a friendly Republican gathering here tonight, presidential candidate Mitt Romney defended his recent comment in Iowa that “corporations are people” and said Democrats fundamentally misunderstand corporations’ makeup. “Businesses are people,” he said.

“What do they think they are? Little men from Mars?” Romney said at the home of Ovide Lamontagne, a prominent New Hampshire Republican and former Senate candidate.

Romney said the Obama administration’s view of business is antiquated and stuck in the 1960s.

“At that time, there was a sentiment somehow that businesses were bad, that it was anti-people. And the Obama administration seems to think that the 60s is here again. Business is good. I am talking about repair shops and gas stations and beauty salons and restaurants. I am talking about Apple Computer and Facebook and Microsoft,” Romney said.” – THE BOSTON GLOBE

No, Mitt, I don’t think corporations are “little men from Mars”. That would be an insult to little men from Mars everywhere. And I am decidedly pro-little men from Mars. Corporations are cyborgs. Human-robot hybrids which while composed of flesh and blood no longer possess human qualities like conscience or emotion.

People don’t talk you into refinancing your home when you really don’t need to. Corporations do. People don’t fuck you at every turn with hidden fees, accounting tricks and baseless legal threats designed to terrorize you into complying with their wishes. Corporations do.

People love America and want to see it thrive. Corporations could care less.

Mitt Romney is not evil. He’s just not a person. He’s a corporation. His human brain was replaced long ago by a machine which only understands profit, just like all of the GOP candidates. To them the needs and concerns of people are at best irrelevant. At worst they are barriers which must be crushed to achieve more profit.

And to say that “business is good” while referring to repair shops, gas stations, beauty salons and restaurants is a sign that you are either mentally ill or just haven’t left your corporate Borg cube in a really, really long time. Further, to suggest that Apple, Microsoft and Facebook are somehow on par with your local pizza joint or TV repair shop is the most asinine thing I’ve ever heard.

Well, okay, in all fairness Carrie Underwood covering SWEET CHILD O’ MINE is the most asinine thing I’ve ever heard. Charlie Sheen’s one man show is the most asinine thing I’ve ever heard. Republican dogma falls more into the same category as junk mail or my Baptist neighbor telling me I’m going to hell. It’s kind of annoying but easily ignorable.



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