26
Aug
11

THE LOVE SHACK, BABY

Having studied criminology at one point in my life I know that some people are capable of anything. And there are a million reasons why. But, in the end, I think actions speak for themselves. Your mouth may deny being a sexual predator but your ski mask and cattle prod say otherwise.

“An 80-year old Austrian man has been taken into custody for allegedly sexually abusing his wife and his two mentally disabled daughters for more than 40 years, police and a prosecutor said Thursday.

The man’s wife died three years ago, investigators said, but the daughters still lived with their father in the northwestern town of Braunau. They slept on a wooden bench and were threatened by their father with a pitchfork, authorities said.

Police freed the two sisters in May 2011, after a social worker brought their allegations to authorities. The man had fallen on the floor that month and could not get up, officials said, and his daughters refused to help him for two days. The women then entrusted themselves to a social worker, who informed police about the situation.“ – CNN

They say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. But when the cover in question looks like Vincent Price I would gladly err on the side of blowing the book away instead of reading it. This guy couldn’t be more stereotypically creepy and weird. All he needs is a velvet smoking jacket and black leather gloves. And a cat.

I’m not sure what prison in Austria is like but I hope this guy spends the rest of his short life as shower bait. It won’t ever come close to being adequate retribution for four decades of torment. Then again, short of having to drink leper saliva, I don’t think anything is.

Of course even with the most healthy and normal relationships the magic fades in the bedroom after 40 years. At what point does threatening your mentally challenged offspring with a pitchfork and demanding sex get old? Apparently, in Austria, it doesn’t.

“In 2008, Austrian Josef Fritzl was arrested after having imprisoned and raped his daughter for 24 years. He was convicted on charges of incest, rape, false imprisonment, assault and murder and sentenced to life in prison in 2009. The murder charge was for allowing one of the babies he fathered with his daughter to die shortly after birth.”

I’ll be the first to admit to being into some kinky stuff. And some downright filthy stuff. But, I can safely say that nothing I dig breaks the law. Or defies the bounds of human morality. Seriously, whatever happened to just meeting a college chick at a bar, talking her into wearing an SS uniform and watching while you and your wife do it to old RAMMSTEIN albums? What’s with all the incest and torture? They don’t have Craigslist where these people live?

Trust me, there are people out there who would willingly let you lock them up in a dungeon and play freaky sex games. No need to threaten anyone with farm implements. You would be seriously amazed at what $150 can still get you in this economy.

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