Chances of winning the nomination: poor

Chances of beating Barack Obama: poor

Retard Index: 1.86


It would be dishonest of me to claim that I don’t think Herman Cain is a moron. But, research shows that the average person lies like ten times a day. It’s not even 9:00 AM yet and I’ve only had to use up one lie so far when I told my son that the Bloody Mary I was drinking was actually my “Thinking Potion” and that the reason I was stumbling around the house and slurring my words was because I was just a little tired. Okay, maybe that’s two lies. Whatever.

“If you’re dissatisfied with the economy, or unemployed, Herman Cain thinks you should take a long, hard look in the mirror.

In an interview with the Wall Street Journal posted Wednesday, the up-and-coming GOP 2012 contender and former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza summed up his bewilderment about recent demonstrations on Wall Street.

“Don’t blame Wall Street,” Cain said. “Don’t blame the big banks. If you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself.”

“When I was growing up I was blessed to have had parents. That didn’t teach me to be jealous of anybody and didn’t teach me to be jealous of somebody,” Cain explained.

“It is not a person’s fault because they succeeded. It is a person’s fault if they failed. And so this is why I don’t understand these demonstrations and what is it that they’re looking for.” – CNN

So I guess if Cain doesn’t ever become President of the United States he shouldn’t blame anyone but himself. You know, take a long hard look in the mirror and see a man who made fucking pizzas thinking he had what it took to become leader of the free world.

The first actual primaries are still four months away. There have been a number of “straw polls” of course. And Cain’s victory in the recent one in Florida is furthering complicating life for a Republican Party which looks increasingly like it will be forced to nominate an ideological purist instead of a more moderate and electable alternative. Although I think in their view a more moderate choice would be Ivan the Terrible.

And why does every high profile black conservative have to be completely crazy? If Cain ever teamed up with Alan Keyes and Michael Steele they would make a good case for bringing back the asylums. Not that conservative white people are a model of sanity either. Then again people on the far left are pretty goddamn nuts too. In fact, the more I think about it the more I realize I really am the only sane person in this world. My psychiatrist and her “delusions” be damned.


1 Response to “THE CAIN MUTINY”

  1. October 17, 2013 at 7:53 PM

    Today, I went to the beachfront with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4
    year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and screamed.
    There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
    She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is entirely off topic but
    I had to tell someone!

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