I wasn’t raised in a particularly religious environment. Although, my extended family sort of orbits Catholicism in a very detached and, some might say, non-Catholic way. I myself am about as Catholic as Zeus. But, anyone who reads this site won’t find that to be too surprising.

Recently, however, the Catholic Church in my home state of Illinois has been having some problems with the non-Catholic population. As well as the Catholic but non-heterosexual population. And the government. And the law. And every sense of common decency I can think of.

“Catholic Charities in Illinois has served for more than 40 years as a major link in the state’s social service network for poor and neglected children. But now most of the Catholic Charities affiliates in Illinois are closing down rather than comply with a new requirement that says they can no longer receive state money if they turn away same-sex couples as potential foster care and adoptive parents.

For the nation’s Roman Catholic bishops, the outcome is a prime example of what they see as an escalating campaign by the government to trample on their religious freedom while expanding the rights of gay people. The idea that religious Americans are now the victims of government-backed persecution is now a frequent theme not just for Catholic bishops, but also for Republican presidential candidates and conservative evangelicals.

“In the name of tolerance, we’re not being tolerated,” said Bishop Thomas J. Paprocki of the Diocese of Springfield, Ill., a civil and canon lawyer who helped drive the church’s losing battle to retain its state contracts for foster care and adoption services.“ – MSNBC

We can forget for a moment how gay the Catholic Church is. And, by the way, it’s pretty fucking gay. Dudes spending their lives with other dudes and basically working really hard to keep women away is pretty much the definition of gay. As for evangelicals, well, let’s not go into those woods. Lots of butless chaps in those woods.

But, you know, gay is cool. Dudes too. Gay dudes as well. Of course there are nuns, but they’re supposed to be married to Christ. I’m not sure if that qualifies as polygamy or necrophilia but based on what I’ve seen none of the women who go on to become nuns had a hard choice to make. Not like they had to give up promising acting or modeling careers or, you know, dating and social acceptance.

I suppose we can also forget that taking care of little kids is something the Catholic Church isn’t all that good at either. And, maybe, them getting out of the little kid business is a good thing for everyone. Just ask the Irish or any male prostitute.

As for religious persecution, well, I understand completely. I’ve been fighting the government for years on this whole “murder is illegal” thing. My own religion, Monogreelism, quite clearly states that to win favor with the divine I have to kill someone every day before sundown with one of the five blessed power tools. My religion also expressly forbids sobriety after 10 AM. But, like the Catholics, I’m being oppressed by the “police” for my beliefs every time I get pulled over and taken to jail for “driving drunk”. Fucking heathens.



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