09
Feb
12

RICK SANTORUM WON’T GO AWAY

When I think of Rick Santorum I think of two things. First, I think of a guy who was basically fired from his middle management job but is now applying for the top position at the same company. Secondly, I think about what a creepy fucking human being he is. Usually at that point I decide that I’ve spent too much time thinking about it and I pretty much go and get drunk while I watch the same episode of HARVEY BIRDMAN over and over again.

Santorum’s rise after a triple primary win on Tuesday has finally given him the rotating honor of being frontrunner. And yes, I do believe that he bears an uncanny resemblance to an infamous serial killer. Although that could just be his flesh mask. At any rate, fearing they would end up being served alongside fava beans and Chianti, the people of Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado threw their support behind him.

“A former U.S. senator from Pennsylvania and a staunch social conservative, Santorum became the first Republican White House hopeful to win four of the state-by-state contests to pick a nominee to oppose Democratic President Barack Obama in the November 6 election.

His sweep on Tuesday raised new questions about presumed front-runner Romney, who holds strong organizational and financial advantages over Santorum and the other Republican candidates but has yet to prove he can win over conservatives in the party, who see him as too moderate.

“I provide not the contrast to Mitt Romney, but we provide the conservative contrast that’s the winning one against Barack Obama,” Santorum said at a rally on Wednesday night in Allen, Texas.” – REUTERS

It’s possible that it’s just me and probably is. I don’t know. But, were I in a room alone with Rick Santorum I would keep my hand on my gun. I feel like if I forced him to empty his pockets I’d find a ski mask, rope and a bunch of knives. Maybe a few ears. It’s kind of what makes me largely oblivious to his platform, if he even has one. I know he doesn’t like the gays and there’s something about Iran but whatever. Whenever I see or hear him speak his voice gets drowned out in my head by the sound of GOODBYE HORSES.

Right now the Santormentum is with him. But that could change. And probably will. I don’t know. This primary reminds me of back when I used to watch LOST. I kept waiting for a final answer and never got one. So I started drinking. At any rate he now holds the lead in terms of primary victories but the road to Tampa is a long one. He’ll need cash and lots of it which will be hard to swing because he’s about as realistically Presidential as a dead Laotian man. I don’t know if they have those anymore but if you saw one running for President you’d probably say “Yeah, Santorum’s in way over his head.”

Advertisements

1 Response to “RICK SANTORUM WON’T GO AWAY”


  1. 1 Anonymous
    February 15, 2012 at 12:54 PM

    he is a piece of trash worse of the gop crapublicans


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: