06
Apr
12

DICK CHENEY HAS A NEW HEART

For me, the image which will most singularly define the Bush Administration is Vice President Cheney being carried out of the White House in a wheelchair his last day in office. It was both fitting and ironic to see one of modern history’s most powerful men being hauled away like some kind of dying vampire elder.

And like something out of a horror film Cheney doesn’t stay down for long. Before we knew it he was back on the TV news circuit pissing and moaning to anyone who would listen in an attempt to rewrite the last decade of history. It seemed as if he was his old self again. Granted the only difference between his new and old selves is the use of his legs. Nevertheless Cheney is dying. In truth we all are. But, and I’m somehow very comfortable saying this, Dick Cheney is going to go a lot sooner than I am. Or is he?

“Former Vice President Dick Cheney has been released from a Virginia hospital 10 days after undergoing a heart transplant, his office said Tuesday.

Cheney, 71, who has a history of heart trouble, had surgery at Inova Fairfax Hospital in Falls Church, Virginia. He’s suffered at least five heart attacks since 1978,

“As he leaves the hospital, the former Vice President and his family want to again express their deep gratitude to the donor and the donor’s family for this remarkable gift,” his office said in a statement.

Cheney had been on the cardiac transplant list for more than 20 months.” – CNN

For Christ’s sake the guy is 71. How much fucking longer was he going to live anyway? And even if he makes it to 100 those aren’t fun years. From what I can tell old Dick has little left to look forward to from here on out except losing his hearing and wandering into a local 7/11 in nothing but a bathrobe and slippers.

Then again, who am I kidding? It’s Dick Cheney. There’s no way such a vile and fiendish parasite like that would ever give up clinging to life. In all likelihood there’s an entire village in Iraq inhabited by Cheney clones and the whole purpose of their existence is to provide the original with spare body parts. Of course that would mean that the Cheney clones all probably have sex with each other. Which is revolting yet oddly appropriate.

And I wonder who the “donor” was. Maybe the dude he shot in the face. Or some random South American teenager. I don’t know. But, I do have this recurring nightmare in which I’m strapped to a stone edifice and Cheney is standing over me waving a curved dagger in the air and chanting in some ancient language. Of course I also have dreams in which Meghan McCain and I are dressed up like Raggedy Ann and Andy and we’re being forced to procreate by aliens. So, you should probably take my views with a grain of salt.

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1 Response to “DICK CHENEY HAS A NEW HEART”


  1. April 10, 2012 at 11:52 AM

    Unbelievable they gave this old geezer a new ticker. Forget about the native american teenager living on the reservation who’s had heart problems since he was a toddler and has been on the waiting list for 2 years……


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