23
Apr
12

RICK SANTORUM FINALLY WENT AWAY

First and foremost, happy 420. Or 4.20. Or is it 4:20? I don’t know. And the more I think about it, it probably doesn’t matter seeing as how it was on Friday. Seriously, though, you don’t need a holiday as an excuse to get blazed in the middle of the day. Or first thing in the morning. Or at night. And so on and so forth. Shit, in that case every fucking day is a holiday.

So the rollicking roller coaster ride of yucks that was the Rick Santorum Presidential Campaign has finally been suspended. As opposed to just ended. Santorum can still raise money under the guise of his campaign even though I have a better chance of fitting into my wife’s lingerie than he does of winning anything. But, that’s why I’m not a politician. This higher logic and math is way over my head. And that torture chamber/dungeon he’s building underneath his house sure isn’t going to pay for itself.

But, in all seriousness (as opposed to some seriousness or none at all I suppose) I’m going to miss this guy. He’ll be back. Make no mistake about it. But, my guess is that this was Santorum’s moment in the sun and now the night comes. Which in his case probably means a fat talk show deal at Fox or a PR gig with the KKK or something. For the rest of us it would mean having to get a real job.

Society needs Rick Santorum. Why? Because we need a clear and identifiable marker to show us just how far off the cliff the human psyche is capable of going. Without him we would never know just how deep the dark waters of human insanity go. We would hear tales of people who believe in abstinence-only sex education or no abortion under any circumstances or total deregulation but we wouldn’t believe them. We would consider them mythical like sirens or fairies. We would tell our children about creationists and neocons hiding in the closet or under the bed to scare the hell out of them.

Thankfully, we have a real person like Santorum to prove that such creatures do exist and that, if we’re not careful, they might end up in positions of power and responsibility. In many ways that’s the same reason someone like me exists. Although trade “positions of power and responsibility” with “your bedroom with your wife and daughters and a 12-pack” and you should get the picture.

Did I just actually write that? Jesus, I’m sick.

Advertisements

0 Responses to “RICK SANTORUM FINALLY WENT AWAY”



  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: