I spent four years in a Catholic high school. In my junior year I had an experience that will forever define religion in my eyes. I got into an argument with a girl in my class who was outspokenly conservative on every social issue imaginable. While arguing that she was misreading The Bible and taking it wildly out of context she cut me off in mid-sentence.

“I haven’t read The Bible and I don’t need to.” She said. I marveled at her and replied “Why not?” She sighed, and smiled at me with her crazy Jesus eyes blazing away. “Because, if I have to read the Bible then I’m telling God I don’t trust him”.

Needless to say the argument was over. There was no point in continuing even acknowledging this person or her views. In many respects she ceased to exist as far as I was concerned. Unfortunately, millions of people like her do exist. And man are they pissed off.

“Franklin Graham — son and legatee of Billy Graham, the traditional spiritual advisor to the nation’s presidents — is lashing out at President Obama for his support of gay marriage, saying that Obama has “shaken his fist” at God, and lamenting “a sad day for America.”

Graham, the president and chief executive of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Assn., criticized the president in a statement Thursday, a day after the president told ABC News that his personal belief was that “same-sex couples should be able to get married.”

Graham’s three-paragraph statement, released on the association’s website, noted that voters in his home state of North Carolina had approved a constitutional amendment that allows only heterosexual marriage. Overall, 38 states have adopted some kind of prohibition on gay marriage, and the president said that the states should be able to determine whether to accept homosexual unions.” – THE LOS ANGELES TIMES

So yeah, Christians in America are upset. Again. I forget what it was last week. Probably Iran or women’s suffrage or something. I don’t know. It’s gotten to the point where Christian Conservative America has become this kind of sad spectacle. It used to be funny, watching them get all bent out of shape over condoms and evolution. It used to be kind of cute how they would teach their kids that the earth is only 10,000 years old and that dinosaur bones were put here to test their faith. And it was downright adorable when they would protest military funerals and burn Korans.

But now I look at these people and I find myself depressed over what I’m assuming is the sad state of education and literacy in this country. And mental health. And, judging from the looker in that picture, access to adequate optometric services. Fox News and The 700 Club have produced a generation of Americans so totally dysfunctional and retarded that the rest of society is increasingly hard-pressed to find a place for them. But the problem doesn’t end there.

“The institution of marriage should not be defined by presidents or polls, governors or the media,” Graham continued. “The definition was set long ago and changing legislation or policy will never change God’s definition. This is a sad day for America. God help us.”

Yeah, you know, the last thing you want in a democracy are elected officials and public opinion deciding things. And therein lies the real problem. Gay marriage, birth control, abortion- this is all just window dressing. They are issues kept alive mainly to give the crazy and the stupid something concrete to coalesce around. Less obvious but infinitely more insidious is the Christian view (mirrored in many Muslim countries) that democracy is in direct conflict with god’s will. Sure, when things go their way Christians tolerate it. But, when sanity and reason prevail in an election they start bombing federal buildings and sniping doctors. And I fear that the more time and effort we put into these various social issues, the less we’ll be able to notice and stop the corrosive effect of organized religion on human civilization.

There are basically two kinds of people in the world. First, there are those of us who are capable of thinking and making decisions for ourselves. We have the ability to form our own ideas and look objectively at the world around us. Our minds are, for lack of a better word, free.

Then there are those who need to be told what to think and what to believe. To them, the world is a strange and scary place and without guidance they are helpless. They are easily manipulated by spooky symbolism and bogus moral platitudes. Their entire worldview has been shaped by mythology and superstition. And they are completely and pants-wettingly terrified of the rest of us. And at its core, fear is what religion is really all about.

Finally, you might think it’s a little unfair of me to use this picture when talking about angry Christians. Well, he looks angry to me. And it’s probably a safe bet he’s into Jesus in a big way. So fuck you.



  1. May 16, 2012 at 11:59 AM

    Nicely stated all round. I’ve tried to explain it in non-religious terms over at groobiecat, but it’s basically the same thing: stupidity combined with lying and cognitive dissonance. The problem is, they’re growing stronger because, like zombies in need of brains, there’s very little reasoning with them, and it seems that every time you get rid of one, two more pop up.

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