I was gone all last week camping with my family. Every so often it’s pretty healthy to just leave all (or most) electronic devices aside and tune out for a few days. It’s kind of refreshing to return to the world after ignoring it for a while. Of course that turned out to be impossible. Thanks to the retards in the campsite next to me, who had their own gas generator, spotlights, internet access and a giant flat screen TV going all goddamn day, I was kept up to speed on all the breaking stories.

And while I followed with amusement the story of Mitt Romney!’s introduction on the world stage and the story about that actress whose name I can’t remember having an affair with the director of that movie I didn’t see, the one that really caught my eye was the Boy Scouts vs the gay people saga.

“Boy Scouts of America officials announced their decision reaffirming the ban on gays July 17 after a two-year evaluation in response to intensified scrutiny.

Deron Smith, spokesman for Boy Scouts of America, said five Eagle Scouts had returned their medals in protest of the policy as of Friday. He reiterated the group’s position that the majority of members agree with the ban.

“Scouting represents millions of youth and adult members in diverse communities across the nation, each with a variety of beliefs,” Smith said. “Although we are disappointed to learn of anyone who feels compelled to return his Eagle rank, we fully understand and appreciate that not everyone will agree with any one position or policy.” – THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE

As I was camping this past week it occurred to me that much of what I was doing I learned to do in Boy Scouts. Of course I also learned how to use a cigarette as a delayed fuse for a pack of bottle rockets, how to crap in a swimming pool without getting caught and how to tie someone to their cot while sleeping and then drag them into the woods and scare the living shit out of them. It’s why I think the Boy Scouts are useful but need to stop taking themselves so seriously.

Then I realized that I could just as easily teach my kids about camping and the like myself (which was what I was already doing anyway). I seem to remember everyone in my Boy Scout troop left when they got into their teens because, you know, we weren’t boys anymore. Hanging out with other boys and their dads all weekend eating beans and farting openly just stops being fun when you get to high school. And, if I may say so, I’m more than capable of teaching my boys about feces and fireworks as well.

If my sons really want to become Scouts then of course I’ll be supportive. I’ll gladly go along on camping trips and demonstrate my preeminent flatulence. But I’m not obligated to steer them in that direction. It’s not The Cold War anymore. I just don’t see why all that stuff they teach you in Scouts needs to be accompanied with this fucking LEAVE IT TO BEAVER 1950’s nonsense. Marching around in paramilitary uniforms and saluting each other gets kind of scary when placed in a historical context. Then again so does screaming and throwing things at men who wear pink. It’s just the rich tapestry that is America.


1 Response to “WHERE THE BOYS ARE”

  1. March 27, 2014 at 3:30 PM

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