10
Sep
12

MAGNUS GREEL MOST HATED #3: BASHAR ASSAD

I admit that I’ve been dragging these out a little bit. Number one on the list is taking a lot of preparation because, frankly, that person has quite a lot to answer for. But, we’re in the home stretch now and today is kind of a fun one. Well, fun in the sense that I think nobody is more deserving of hatred than this assclown. The type of hatred I have for Syrian “President” Bashar Assad is a little different than the others on this list.

I actually hate him because he’s not scary. He’s a fucking dweeb. A smarmy, weak little dweeb. I hate him because he’s not all that bright. I hate him because he has shitty taste in clothing. But, most of all, I hate him because he seems happily oblivious to what is going on in his country. As if the raging civil war going on all around him is just a distraction from his life of expensive cars and tailored suits. If I was a dictator I probably wouldn’t care either. But, I’m not. So I do.

The thing about dictators, of course, is that they have an entire state apparatus that keeps them in power. But even then the dictator has to be personally frightening on some level. Stalin, Kim Jong Il, Saddam Hussein- these guys came off as pretty fucking scary. A dictator’s job really is to be the face of the regime and not always the head of it. There’s a balance between people like Pinochet or Franco and the ruling class of elites and generals who run things. If it weren’t for the SS and the Gestapo, for example, Hitler would have just been another pissed off short guy with a missing testicle who liked to have young girls urinate on him. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Assad reminds me of a cross between Pepe Le Pew and Bert from SESAME STREET. With perhaps just a smattering of a child molester from Alabama. Even the attempts of his regime to portray him as strong and dominant come across as kind of silly. The official posters of him, for example, look like a yearbook photo from a special education class. And every time I see him on TV I just start laughing.

Of course I stop laughing when I realize that, for the better part of a year now, he has been wholesale slaughtering his own people. Well, his government has been doing that. He himself has been busy doing… fuck, man, I have no idea what he does. He could spend all his time dressing up in lingerie and masturbating to old Stallone movies for all I know. Yeah, now that I think about it, let’s just go with that.

Bashar, of course, inherited the throne from his father Hafez. He was never meant to succeed his father but when his brother bought it in a car accident he left optometry school and came back to Damascus. I’m not sure how optometry helps you become a dictator. My guess is that it doesn’t considering that he’s on borrowed time and only one badly dodged sniper bullet away from obscurity.

Advertisements

0 Responses to “MAGNUS GREEL MOST HATED #3: BASHAR ASSAD”



  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: