20
Sep
12

BANK OF AMERICA IS TRIMMING THE FAT

I don’t like banks. And when I read stories about people in the banking industry losing their jobs and hurting like normal people I can’t help but chuckle. It’s always satisfying when the bubble bursts for them and they realize, in no uncertain terms, that they are in the same sinking boat as the rest of us. The guy selling you a shitty loan or mortgage one day might very well be the guy trying to sell you cologne or socks at Target the next.

Of course banks are in the business of money. Which I honestly didn’t know was an actual business. It’s kind of ingenious, actually. Most of us have to work a job for our money. Banks have really just kind of cut out the middle man there. People just give them their money. It’s kind of like going to work in the cocaine trade so you never have to pay for blow again.

“Bank of America Corp. is accelerating a broad cost-cutting plan and has set a target of shedding 16,000 jobs by year’s end—cuts that would see the company relinquish its title as U.S. banking’s largest employer…

…Other major firms are chopping thousands of banking and trading jobs, but no big U.S. bank is doing more to slim down than Bank of America. The personnel reductions expected through the end of the year are part of a companywide expense overhaul known as Project New BAC, after the bank’s ticker symbol.

The bank expects that two phases of Project New BAC will result in $8 billion in annual savings by 2015—$5 billion from the first phase and $3 billion from a second phase that focuses on the commercial bank, the investment bank and wealth management. Bank of America noninterest expense last year was $80.27 billion, down 3.4% from a year earlier.” – THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

Well shit, man, anybody can do that. I could save more money if I just got rid of my kids. Maybe the wife too. You’re a bank. Money is like your thing. Work some of that magic or whatever. Don’t just do what the pizza place or the car dealership down the street does.

And I know that I do not really understand economics. I mean, I understand the kind where if I have five apples and I give one away then I have four. But, when it comes to rates and funds and net worths and charts and that little bell they ring at the stock exchange well, I have no fucking clue what any of that means. But, apparently saving some scratch is important enough to them that they’re going to leave 16,000 people without an income. And by this time next year they’ll be pissing and moaning about low consumer confidence. Jesus Christ I fucking hate these people.

As I’ve said before bankers have a lot in common with spousal abusers. What’s more I just don’t think banking should be a business at all. Why would you give your money to people who spend all their time figuring out ways to keep it? I want someone to keep my money safe so I don’t have to keep it in a fucking coffee can under the bed and sleep with a loaded gun. How goddamn hard is that? Some things just can’t be about profit. Shit, that’s why I spend so much of my time doing this.

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4 Responses to “BANK OF AMERICA IS TRIMMING THE FAT”


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  3. 3 Anonymous
    September 21, 2012 at 2:16 AM

    So you want someone to watch your coffee can of money for free? What a goober

    • September 21, 2012 at 1:59 PM

      A “goober” is what I felt like when they charged me $50 to close my fucking bank account. Which I closed, by the way, because of fees to begin with. It should not cost money to have money. That’s crazy.


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