Having been born under the Ford Administration I am only too aware of how Iran has served as America’s boogeyman for three decades now. At one time or another we have blamed Iran for everything under the sun. And of course a better punching bag there could not be. Iran has always been its own worst enemy. If doing crazy shit doesn’t get our attention (nuke programs, terrorist sponsorship, beheadings and stonings, etc) then it can always just have one of their leaders open his mouth.

“Iran could launch a pre-emptive strike if Israel prepares to attack it, a senior Revolutionary Guards commander told broadcaster Al-Alam on Sunday, a day after his boss warned that conflict was inevitable.

Should Israel and Iran engage militarily, “nothing is predictable… and it will turn into World War III,” Brigadier-General Amir Ali Hajizadeh told Iran’s Arabic-language television network.

Brig.-Gen. Hajizadeh, who is in charge of Revolutionary Guards missile systems, said: “In circumstances in which they (the Israelis) have prepared everything for an attack, it is possible that we will make a pre-emptive attack. But we do not see this at the moment.”

He added that Iran would deem any Israeli strike to be conducted with U.S. authorization, so “whether the Zionist regime attacks with or without U.S. knowledge, then we will definitely attack U.S. bases in Bahrain, Qatar and Afghanistan.”

He warned that Israel “cannot imagine our response – and it will sustain heavy damage and that will be a prelude to its obliteration.” – THE GLOBE AND MAIL

Fuck, man, are you new at this? The goal in your situation is to keep America out of this thing. Sure, no shit America would be complicit in any Israeli attack. Israel couldn’t find its ass with both hands without American help. But why give us an excuse? And of course Israel is preparing for war. You’ve been threatening them with it for years.

Despite its brain damaged rhetoric and what is obviously an illicit nuclear program of some sort, Iran still has some semblance of the moral high ground. They haven’t done anything yet and nobody has conclusively proven what exactly it is they are doing. Israel and the West would look like playground bullies should they attack. If Iran goes off all crazy and George Bushy then they pretty much hand Israel all the justification it needs. I’ve never even been in the military and I understand this. This is supposed to be what you guys do for a living.

I guess my other question is exactly how would you attack Israel? With your 30-year-old air force? With your missile technology which is only a few hairs more advanced than the model rockets I used to shoot at my neighbor’s house as a kid? With your legions of suicide troops that you would somehow have to get to Israel so they can then commit suicide? And after what happened the last time I don’t see your buddies in Hezbollah launching an unprovoked attack no matter how nicely you ask them to.

I’m guessing, however, that this is all just bullshit to rally the troops. I mean it has to be, right? Because nobody is that dumb. Well, okay, some people are that dumb. But if I were trying to secretly build a nuclear weapon and keep international pressure at bay I wouldn’t be going on TV and drawing attention to myself by promising war and genocide to my much better armed enemies. But, that’s just me. Well, me and all the much smarter people in the world. And my five-year-old. And my dog. All of whom know how to be secretive when doing something they shouldn’t be doing.

Israel is the equivalent of that crazy, paranoid old guy in your neighborhood who lives alone and is always yelling at the local kids to stay off his lawn. Iran is like that one little shit who loves to ring his doorbell and run away or throw eggs at his car during the night. One of these days the crazy old man is going to catch that little punk in the act and end up shooting his ass. Of course, the crazy old man will end up facing legal consequences and become even more of a pariah than he already is. But, he doesn’t care. He’s crazy.



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