Yes, I know. That is not Florida Republican Congressman Allen West. That is fictional attorney Jackie Chiles from the old SEINFELD show. But that doesn’t matter. It might as well be Allen West. And not because both men are black but because both men are nuts. And creepy. And if Congressman Allen West can choose his own reality then why can’t I? Scandalous! Libelous! Judicious!

Actually, did I say “Congressman”? Sorry. I meant “FORMER Congressman Allen West”. Like most of conservative America he lost on election night. Which is a shame because he was that one guy Tea Partiers could point to and say “See? We really do have black friends!” That job, of course, was previously held by former RNC Chair Michael Steele. And while many in the conservative gene pool were in denial about election night, West took his own defeat at the hands of Democratic challenger Patrick Murphy to an entirely new level of nuts.

“A Palm Beach County Circuit Court judge today denied U.S. Rep. Allen West’s motion to impound ballots and voting machines from his apparent narrow loss to Democrat Patrick Murphy in the District 18 congressional race.

Judge David Crow said the West campaign’s motion was “premature” because official results have not yet been posted. Crow also said it is not the court’s role to set elections procedures. Those procedures already require securing ballots and other materials in case there is a recount.

A lawyer for West said that despite losing in court, “We’re very happy” because a lawyer for the Palm Beach County elections office gave assurances that process will be transparent.

The attorney for the elections office, Ken Spillias, said the measures sought by the West campaign are “already being done.”

Murphy’s lawyer, Gerald Richman, called West’s motion “a political stunt.” – THE PALM BEACH POST

A political stunt? Contentious! Egregious! Outrageous! Allen West does not know how to lose. Even though it’s been a semi-regular theme in his life, from a disgraced Army career to his apparently vacant sex life.

But, like many crazy people, West has followers. And they will make sure to keep reality at bay lest it interfere with his dream machine. The article goes on to say:

“Observers at the tabulation center included members of the Enforcers motorcycle club, whose numbers include many veterans and police officers. They said the results could swing in West’s favor when overseas military ballots are counted. West, an Army veteran, has considerable support among military voters.”

Seriously, dude, when you need the help of a group called “The Enforcers” to stay in office you’re kind of missing the point of this whole democracy thing. This isn’t the military where you give an order and people follow it without question. And then you get charged with a crime for it. But, I digress.

West has an ego that is enormous even for politician standards. He’s also crazy. So, it’s probably going to take a few legal battles and some Luvox to get him to take hold of reality and bask in its warm embrace. I mean, at least that’s what the men in the white coats told me after the whole “No, officer, I’m writing you a ticket” incident.



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