07
Dec
12

GROVER NORQUIST IS HERE TO RESCUE YOU

Grover Norquist

Grover Norquist is rich. Like, really rich. I have no idea why but he is. I think he was a pirate or something. Nonetheless he is filthy stinking rich. And you know what that means? It means he really enjoys telling the rest of us what to do. But with a name like Grover it’s honestly hard to take anything he says seriously. Or, you know, pay attention at all.

“The vote President Barack Obama wants this month to extend middle-class tax cuts may violate Republican lawmakers’ pledge against tax increases, depending on whether it’s a “throwaway vote” or part of a plan to raise rates for top earners, said Grover Norquist, author of the pledge.

Obama is urging Congress to extend tax cuts for individuals’ income up to $200,000 a year and married couples’ income up to $250,000, separating those provisions from the rest of tax cuts that expire Dec. 31. Some Republicans, including Senator Olympia Snowe of Maine and Representative Tom Cole of Oklahoma, say Republicans should allow that vote and work in 2013 to reduce top tax rates.

Such a vote wouldn’t appear to violate the pledge, which calls on lawmakers to reject rate increases and oppose limiting tax breaks without matching rate cuts, because it would only extend tax cuts. The arbiters will be voters, Norquist, president of Americans for Tax Reform, said at a Bloomberg Government event yesterday.

“It’s not only what happens now,” he said. “It’s what it smells like two years from now.” – Bloomberg Businessweek

What it smells like? Well, hopefully it smells like rich people paying more in taxes. Being that I’ve never been rich, and most likely never will be, I just can’t get my head around why people who make millions and billions every year get all girly and pissy about paying a little bit more in taxes. So you get to buy one less mansion or Cadillac. You’ll have one less butler on your staff or one less nose job. So what? I’d love to pay more myself but I hardly make any money because the rich people have all of it.

Also, and this is kind of important, but giving a stupid idea a happy sounding name is politics 101. Advertising too. It’s why the carton of eggs or the chicken breasts you just bought have a pretty picture of an old rustic farm on the package even though they actually came from some industrial cesspool of piss and shit. Likewise, “Americans for Tax Reform” sounds great. Who would be against that? Never mind that it’s actually just a bunch of rich white dudes who don’t want to pay taxes and are closet homosexuals who do lots of cocaine. But hey, in America the ability to fool people is actually considered successful capitalism.

Hell, this is actually brilliant. I don’t get falling down drunk I have “Adult Beverage Time” and then I respectfully disagree with gravity. I don’t fart in elevators I follow the tenets of “Mammalian Pressure Equalization”. I don’t gawk at college girls walking to class I’m a member of the American Ocular Stimulation League. Oh boy. I just opened a big ass can of worms here. Sorry, I mean a container of euphemistically named bad ideas.

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1 Response to “GROVER NORQUIST IS HERE TO RESCUE YOU”


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