Aceh Ventura

It’s no secret that I find religion to be kind of silly. I am inherently suspicious of anyone trying to tell me what god wants or thinks. Religious leaders are kind of like porn producers trying to sell me their product when I can just go to the internet and get it for free. Not to cheapen the idea of a higher power or anything. Or wait, yeah, I’m totally cheapening it. Well shit.

But as it turns out I’m far from the only one cheapening, manipulating or downright abusing religion and the people who believe in it. Take Indonesia for example. It’s the most populace Muslim country on the planet. And, surprise surprise, there are a lot of totally batshit crazy people there. Not that Christian or Jewish countries are models of sanity or anything. But Muslim craziness is a kind of unique jewel in its own right.

“A city in the Indonesian province of Aceh which follows Sharia has ordered female passengers not to straddle motorbikes behind male drivers.

Suaidi Yahya, mayor of Lhokseumawe, says it aims to save people’s “morals and behaviours”.

Leaflets have been sent out to government offices and residents to inform them about the regulation.

Aceh is the only Indonesian province that follows Sharia.

Under the new regulation, the mayor says that women passengers are only allowed to sit “side-saddle” because straddling the bike seat violates Islamic values.

“When you see a woman straddle, she looks like a man. But if she sits side-saddle, she looks like a woman,” Suaidi said.

He added that passengers who sat side-saddle rarely fell off.” – BBC NEWS

Actually, you dingus, people who ride side-saddle almost always fall off because it’s a fucking motorcycle and not a horse or a bicycle. Further, she does not “look like a woman” because she’s riding side-saddle on a motorcycle. She looks like a fucking moron who is eager for a trip to the ER. And/or the unfortunate resident of a barbaric hellhole with hopelessly inane rules.

And take a look at that picture and tell me they look like men. I mean I suppose they could be men but it’s not obvious. Wait, are they? Great, now I can’t stop staring at them. My penis is totally confused. Thanks a lot, Indonesia. Damn you and your deceptively feminine male hooker and porn star population.

And this seems so random and arbitrary that I’m starting to wonder if fundamentalist Islam isn’t just running out of ways to oppress people. So, in the interest of bridging the gap between conservative Muslim governments and sexually obsessed American bloggers I am going to offer a few creative ways to continue keeping people in ideological shackles. That’s okay, you don’t have to thank me.


From now on men must crap standing up in Indonesia to prevent them from being confused with women or farm animals.


All Indonesian women older than 15, but younger than 50 because that’s disgusting, must fuck every man they see on the street wearing tan shoes. Should they become impregnated the man who fathered the child is allowed to hurl a brick at her every Thursday morning for a year.


All boys in Indonesia must show their genitals to any dog or cat sitting on a sofa or windowsill and sing a Bollywood song of their choice.


Any Indonesian woman with facial hair is to be set on fire immediately lest she be confused with a man.


Any Indonesian girl caught knowing how to read is to be blinded with hot pokers so all the illiterate men in Indonesia don’t feel inferior.


All tranny and ladyboy porn from Indonesia must be clearly labeled so the men jacking off to it don’t accidentally do something gay. Like I just did. Damn you. Damn you all to hell.



  1. May 31, 2016 at 7:02 AM

    http://www.megabokep.net – Megabokep.net – Video Bokep Indonesia Streaming HD

  2. 2 Joe Reality
    February 15, 2016 at 1:05 AM

    Indonesia is a country that takes the easy route – being religious allows you to push human mistakes into being in God’s hands.

    Indonesia is a smoking, polluted religious filled human mistake. It took human great effort into making Java the dump that it is. Imagine what Chinese, Korean or Japanese people would have accomplished on that island with its population and country full of the some the greatest natural resources. Global power in 2 generations.

    Indonesians have managed to keep it full of traditional farmers. Awesome…

    The best thing that could happen to Indonesia is for a natural disaster to destroy 75% of it along with the masses who have 85 IQs, and start over completely.

  3. 3 na
    April 17, 2015 at 9:49 PM

    I just realized how fucked up living in Indonesia is.

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