I only even know who Gerard Depardieu is because I went to film school. And unless you saw GREEN CARD or 1492 then you probably have no idea who the hell this hobgoblin is. And since almost nobody actually saw those films then it’s a fairly good bet that you’re wondering why he’s been a front page story for the last week. Well, here’s a clue: he’s got tons of money and he’s really unhappy. Yeah, I know. Real plot twist, right?

“”I love your country, Russia — its people, its history, its writers,” the “Green Card” actor wrote in an open letter to Russian President Vladimir Putin. Nobody doubted that Depardieu’s decision to accept Putin’s offer of Russian citizenship stemmed from French President Francois Hollande’s plan for a “rich tax” of 75 percent for residents earning more than 1 million euros ($1.3 million). The French government has said it intends to revise its draft legislation after the country’s top court struck down the proposed law last month. Russia’s personal tax rate is 13 percent for most income, hardly comparable to Hollande’s punishing levy for the rich.

Depardieu is just the latest in a series of high-profile figures fleeing the tsunami of higher taxes engulfing indebted Western nations. Billionaire Facebook Inc. co-founder Eduardo Saverin renounced his U.S. citizenship last year after taking up residency in Singapore, where the top tax rate is 20 percent. British Formula 1 driver Lewis Hamilton caused a stir last year after he carried the Olympic torch in London, though he had lived in Switzerland and Monaco since 2007, partly — by his own admission — due to taxation. The top rate of income tax in the U.K. is 50 percent, and the country only provides major tax relief to those residents not domiciled in the country, a rule that doesn’t apply to natives such as Hamilton. Monaco levies no income tax from its residents.” – BLOOMBERG

I guess the belief that money can’t buy you happiness is pretty much true. I say this because rich people are always bitching and whining. Like seriously, they’re never happy about anything. They’re always pissed off. Always getting angry and making threats. Always throwing temper tantrums. Always telling the rest of us to fuck off… until they screw up and need a bailout.

And what the hell are they all upset about? They’re fucking rich. They lead lives the rest of us will never know. If the day ever comes that I’m rich (and I’ll start holding my breath in just a minute) I’ll be so goddamn happy that everywhere I go I’ll be jumping and laughing like a jackass. My entire wardrobe will have big yellow smiley faces on it. I’ll drive a car with fucking carnival music blaring nonstop from a loudspeaker on the roof. And I certainly won’t turn around and abandon the country which helped make me rich to begin with. Which brings me back to Gerardo up there.

Dude, seriously, take a look in the mirror and then say the following words: I’m a successful actor. People pay money to look at me. I’m quite possibly the luckiest asshole on Earth. Consider that even though you have a face like a cancerous scrotum you’re still a movie star. Maybe you should be thankful that anyone even gives a shit who you are let alone wants to tax your income.

And maybe, one day, you’ll realize that you traded that unbelievable life in France for citizenship in a totalitarian hellhole. Seriously, the first time you’re unhappy about something in Russia and you start bitching they’ll probably lock your ass up with Pussy Riot. Either that or you’ll just go missing. And as for all your wealthy compatriots, well, I offer only this: you can run but you can’t hide. Governments are just as greedy as you are. Oh, sure, they lure you to their shores with siren promises of no taxation and beds made of naked women and so forth. But, sooner or later, you’re going to wake up with your ass bleeding, your bank account empty and everyone saying you were asking for it.



  1. January 7, 2013 at 6:28 PM

    Seriously though, if you were France, could you feel dignified taxing his residuals of Last Holiday?

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