22
Jan
13

BASHAR ASSAD IS READY FOR YOU TO STOP TRYING TO KILL HIM NOW

The Ass Man

I admit to a certain romantic notion of it being “me against the world”. My blog. My ideas. My views on acceptable behavior whilst tripping on acid at a funeral. All of these things are what, frankly, set me apart from everyone else. It’s the lovely little corner of the universe that I call me. And while I might use strong language or sophomoric humor to defend it I stop far, far short from killing anyone. Once I have to start hurting people to prove my point I kind of just become another asshole like George Bush (no, the other one) or every jerk on a bus in India. Or, shall we say, the leader of Syria.

“As Syrian opposition leaders met in Turkey over the weekend to try to iron out their differences, Syria’s foreign minister invited rebels to join a national dialogue, promising that all those who lay down their arms and forswear foreign intervention will be part of a transitional government.

“I tell the young men who carried arms to change and reform — take part in the dialogue for a new Syria and you will be a partner in building it,” the foreign minister, Walid al-Moallem, said in an interview broadcast on Syrian state television on Saturday. “Why carry arms?” – THE NEW YORK TIMES

Why carry arms? Shit, man, I don’t know. Perhaps because they look cool. Maybe because the streets of Damascus can be dangerous after dark. Personally I would still want to carry a gun in Syria because the guy running the country is still a fucking lunatic. President Bashar Assad, shown above demonstrating what he does with his wife’s nipples before pulling the blankets over his head and giggling, is a man I would totally trust if he were chained to a radiator or didn’t have an air force. And I certainly wouldn’t just hand over my weapons after he pulled a goddamned Lex Luthor move like this the weekend before:

“President Bashar Assad on Sunday delivered a dramatic aria of defiance from the stage of the Damascus Opera House, rallying his base for a fight to the finish against a 21-month-old rebellion he dismissed as an unholy alliance between the West and al-Qaeda. The hour-long speech offered little hope that Assad might be about to end the civil war that has killed upwards of 60,000 Syrians by heeding the rebels’ central demand: that he step down. Indeed, Assad rejected any negotiations with an opposition he branded “enemies of God and puppets of the West.” He would only negotiate, he vowed, “with the master, not the servants” – TIME

Yeah. Something tells me they’re going to keep their guns. This, of course, is why Assad is one of my Top Ten Most Hated People. Only a complete jackass, or brainless psychopath, would try to cling to power by killing every person in his country. I mean, I’m sure that sounds cool when you’re playing RISK and throwing back scotch in your palace. But, in the real world… eh, not so much. And nice move using the opera house to show your contempt for your own people, the rest of the world and “the master” whoever the hell that is. Jesus, don’t tell me he’s talking to his fucking dog like David Berkowitz now.

Assad still believes there is a future for him in charge of Syria. Or even walking around and breathing. Had he just left a year ago he’d be kicking it on the Black Sea with Gerard Depardieu right now instead of eating canned food in a bunker somewhere with a bunch of other dudes who probably haven’t bathed in months. But I don’t hate a man for making mistakes or misreading the level of universal hatred directed at him or even for thumbing his nose at the international community. I do, however, hate him for being a smarmy little fuck who can’t take a hint. And for killing 60,000 people. That too. Like using the wrong fork to eat a salad or playing country music at a party that’s really uncalled for.

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