Steve Jobs

As I’ve admitted before, I don’t really understand Apple products. I feel like they’re designed for a child or an Ewok or something. But that’s just me. But, if Apple products and consumers perplex me then I have to say the company itself completely blows my mind. I mean, I’m all for leaving a legacy or just being remembered forever. And believe it or not I am actually for people making money. I am not, however, supportive at all of black magic or whatever the fuck you call this.

“According to a report in the San Francisco Examiner, Apple’s Michael Foulkes said during testimony about device kill switch technology that development of the next two generations iPhones preceded current CEO Tim Cook.

The remark is a clear indication that the late Jobs oversaw the development of upcoming iPhone models, the first of which is rumored to debut sometime this fall. This long product road map, extending nearly two years after Jobs’s death, will come as no surprise to longtime Apple fans. Those familiar with Jobs’s history are well acquainted with his penchant for being a bit of a control freak when it comes to nearly any detail concerning the company’s image and product line.

However, for a market that has in recent months appeared all too ready to declare Apple’s successful reign over, this revelation will likely cause some to reconsider the notion that the company has lost its magical luster under the direction of Tim Cook. Fueling those sentiments has been recent talk of an upcoming low-cost iPhone model. Modifying the iPhone to cater to the cost-conscious is a strategy that many believe Jobs—who historically favored design and function over budget concerns—would have avoided, even in the face mounting competition from cheaper Android smartphone alternatives.” – PC WORLD

Even though I don’t own one I do concede that the iPhone is pretty impressive. But, hey, so was the Titanic or the Hindenburg. Not that there’s any real comparison because iPhones haven’t sent scores of people to their deaths or left them with horrible injuries. Well, yeah, that actually has happened but it was far away and involved people who don’t speak English and probably want to kill us anyway so whatever.

Perhaps I’m just getting old but all I need is a phone I can, you know, call people with or text them. I don’t even need a camera on it because I rarely feel compelled to take a picture of the food I’m eating or the billboard I’m looking at and share it with the entire goddamn internet. And I really don’t need constant online access because most of what’s on the internet is crap. And it goes without saying the less access to anything called a “kill switch” I have the better.

As for making the iPhone cheaper I’m not really sure how they’d do that. Make it out of paper and power it with fairies or something I guess. And of course Jobs favored design and function over budgetary concerns. I feel the same way about sex toys and black market organs. And I’m sure whatever alien technology currently keeping his brain alive was designed with a similar philosophy in mind.



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